Smeagol's Guide to Grammar

Nouns

Ahhh...Mellonanin. It is joy itself to see you all again! (When you are trapped with Gollum and Smeagol, it is joy itself to see anyone else, but I digress).

In previous chapters I have spoken often of--

"Ours! Ours! PREEEEECCCCCCCCIIIIIIIIIOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"

By the Valar! Now what? 

"Cruel Gollum! Give us back our pen!"

"Why doesn't it come and get it, my precious, my love? Is Smeagol too little?"

"Give it back! It's ours, it is!"

He is literally trying to take something from himself. I can't watch this and remain sane. 

Anyway, as I have spoken often of nouns in previous chapters, I deemed it wise to--

"Is it readers? Did they come back to see Smeagol? What are they doing, my precious? Do they want to play games?" 

Woah! Calm down! Maybe later, alright?

"They could play mad-libses with us, my precious! We likes to play--"

Smeagol! You're going to scare everyone away! Remember what we were talking about the other day? Personal space?

"Yes, we remember, precious. Elfses are so strict, my precious, very strict indeed!"

Yes, we are. Now, before I am interrupted again, I decided to explain further what nouns are. 

"We knows what nouns are, precious! We aren't stupid!"

I know, I know. But it is still wise to define one's terms, and also explain that there are different kinds of nouns.

In the most basic sense, a noun is a person, place, thing, or idea.

However, there are subdivisions of nouns, that make them a little bit more complicate than that.

First, there are abstract and concrete nouns. And, no, it is not referring to art styles and asphalt.

"What's that, precious?" 

It doesn't matter.

Basically, concrete nouns are things that you can see, touch, smell, etc. (i.e. House, book, bag, fish). 

Abstract nouns are things that cannot be physically interacted with. (I.e. Love, peace, anger.)

Make sense?

"No."

Good. Moving on.

The next subdivisions of nouns are common and proper nouns.

"Nasty elfses always uses proper nounses, and it doesn't let us use any common nounses!"

What?

"In the adjectiveses chapter, it said that we shouldn't use common nounses for adjectiices."

I think you're confused. I said it was better to not use curse words, when there are many other, better words to use, that actually mean what you are trying to say. But I never said that people couldn't use it, or that it had anything to do with common nouns.

"It said common nounses aren't proper."

Yes, I did. And had you kept your mouth shut, I would have explained it by now.

Anyway. Common nouns are generic, while proper nouns refer to a specific person, place, thing, or idea.

Now, that does need a little elaboration, which I shall do via an example. 

"We likes exampleses, precious!"

"No, we doesn't! We hateses nasty elf exampleses! Gollum! Gollum!"

I don't care.

Example:

Person. 

Man.

George Washington.

Only the last one, George Washington, is a proper noun. Even though Man is more specific than Person, it is not a proper noun, because it is not anyone in particular.

"We still doesn't get it."

Well, I have a sneaking suspicion that those reading this probably do understand, so I think we are done for now.

"But we didn't get to play gameses!" 

Not today, Smeagol.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGgggggggg!!!!!! Cruel elf!"

That isn't going to change my mind. I shall see you all later!