Smeagol's Guide to Grammar

Double Negatives

Once again, we are here to explain certain troublesome grammatical issues.

"PLEEEEAASSEE give us the pen, precious! Pleesssssee!"

Smeagol, no whining. I won the riddle contest, and that means I keep the pen. Remember?

"Nasty, selfish, cruel elf won't share the pen with poor Smeagol! What has Smeagol ever done to her?"

You bit my hand trying to get the pen. Fortunately Elves can't contract diseases, or I'd be in trouble.

"We wasn't trying to be mean! We swears we won't hurt it, if it gives us the pen."

We've been over this, Smeagol. You do not get the pen this chapter. 

"OOOUUUURRRRSSSSSSS!!!!!"

"Gollum! Gollum! We told Smeagol that elfses are tricksy!"

"We needs the elf! We doesn't like to talk to you, precious! Elfses are better conversationalistes!"

"Stupid Smeagol! Listen to us!"

"NOOOO! We hates you!"

I knew it was only a matter of time. 

About double negatives. 

"What's double negativeses, precious? What are they?"

"Gollum! Gollum! They be nasty! Nasty! Elves makeses them up!"

Wrong, Gollum. A double negative occurs when you have to deal with both Smeagol and Gollum, and both personalities are chock full of negative qualities.

"Cruel elf!"

Okay, that's not true.

Double negatives are when two negative words or contractions appear the same sentence. These words include : no, none, never, not, aren't, didn't, etc.

An example of a double negative is easy to find, if you happen to spend much time around Uruk Hai, as their conversations seem to be simply permeated with these particular grammatical errors. However, since most of you probably don't go and hang out with the local Uruk Hai population (mainly because this is pre-Hobbit, and Uruk Hai have not been dreamed up, yet) I will provide an example of a double negative.

Example: "I don't get no rest with Gollum around."

If you look at this sentence very long, you're bound to see that what it says grammatically is the exact opposite of what I would be trying to say.

In this example, 'don't' and 'no' cancel each other out! So, what that sentence actually states is that I DO get rest when Gollum is around, which is certainly not true.

"Horrid, lying elf! It gets rest! It's lazy!"

He's just going to be contrary whatever I say.

There are two ways to correct the example show above. 

Number one: 'no' should be replaced with 'any'.

Corrected Sentence: "I don't get any rest with Gollum around."

Or the don't can also be omitted, to say this:

"I get no rest with Gollum around."

So, basically, you can replace one of your negatives with a positive, or, in some cases, omit one of your negatives. 

Does that make sense?

"No, precious. Smeagol doesn't understand elfses grammar."

Okay. You may all go. It seems I still have some explaining to do...."