Reading the Regency

Forms of Address - part 1

While Mama and Papa were common forms of address for parents, there is also examples in Jane Austen's novels of Elizabeth Bennet addressing her mother as "ma'am":

"Another time, Lizzy," said her mother, "I would not dance with him, if I were you."
"I believe, Ma'am, I may safely promise you never to dance with him."
[Chapter 5, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]

Mother and Father might sound formal to our modern ears, but it was a frequent form of address at this time. Although particularly common between grown-up sons and their parents, it could be used by any age group. In his letters, Lord Byron addressed his doting parent as "Mother" or "Madam".

"Fanny desires her love to you, her love to grandpapa, her love to Anna, and her love to Hannah; the latter is particularly to be remembered. Edward desires his love to you, to grandpapa, to Anna, to little Edward, to Aunt James and Uncle James, and he hopes all your turkeys and ducks and chicken and guinea fowls are very well."
[Letter from Jane Austen to her sister Cassandra, 11th June 1800]

Grandpapa and Grandmama were common forms of address, particularly with children. Grandfather and Grandmother were similarly common, but more often used by adults rather than children.

Just like today, all families were different, and some were more strict and formal than others, but even in informal households, no parent or grandparent would be addressed by their Christian name.

Addressing Aunts and Uncles

"My dear aunt, you cannot wish me to do differently from what I have done, I am sure. You cannot wish me to marry; for you would miss me, should not you? Yes, I am sure you would miss me too much for that."
[Chapter 33, Mansfield Park by Jane Austen]

Through novels of the time, it seems that the most common way of addressing an Aunt was either on its own, as shown in the example above, or with the addition of their surname.

Fanny speaks of her Aunt Norris in Mansfield Park, while Lydia Bennet refers to her Aunt Phillips in Pride and Prejudice. In Maria Edgeworth's novels, Belinda talks about her Aunt Stanhope and Lady Gabriella speaks of her titled aunt using her title:

"Now that is a shocking thing for us; but the most provoking part of the business is, that mamma won't let my aunt Pierrepoint present us. Why, when she cannot or will not go to the drawing-room herself, what could be more proper, you know, than to let us be presented by Lady Pierrepoint?"
[Almeria, Tales and Novels vol. V, by Maria Edgeworth]

In most examples, Uncles were addressed as, or referred to, as "Uncle", without a surname, but there are a few examples of the surname being used.

"Do you know, mama, that my uncle Philips talks of turning away Richard, and if he does, Colonel Forster will hire him. My aunt told me so herself on Saturday."
[Chapter 14, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]

Another way of referring to an uncle was by his position. This wasn't so much how you would address an uncle directly, but how he might be described to a third person. In Pride and Prejudice, Miss Bingley refers to Darcy's "great uncle, the judge." Guy Mannering describes his uncles in a similar manner:

"My uncle, the bishop, would have had me in orders, and offered me a living; my uncle, the merchant, would have put me into a counting-house, and proposed to give me a share in the thriving concern of Mannering and Marshall, in Lombard Street. So, between these two stools, or rather these two soft, easy, well-stuffed chairs of divinity and commerce, my unfortunate person slipped down, and pitched upon a dragoon saddle."
[Chapter 12, Guy Mannering, by Sir Walter Scott]

Away from her novels, the letters written by Jane Austen give us a less formal view of uncles and aunts. Her own nieces refer to Jane and her sister as "Aunt Jane" and "Aunt Cassandra". When writing to her nieces, Jane referred to her brothers as "Uncle Henry and "Uncle Charles".

Two women who married into the Austen family were referred to by their husband's name. The wife of Francis Austen was "Aunt Frank" to her nephews and nieces, while the wife of James Austen was "Aunt James". As both these ladies had the first name Mary, it might have been a way to avoid the confusion of having two Aunt Mary's.

The difference between having an "Aunt Jane" or an "Aunt Austen" might have been as simple as how close the family were, and how often they saw each other. Some families would have been more formal and distant than the Austens, and even the Austen family might have been more respectful to aunts and uncles of their parent's generation.

Addressing Husbands and Wives

"Oh! Mr. Bennet, you are wanted immediately; we are all in an uproar. You must come and make Lizzy marry Mr. Collins"
[Chapter 20, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]

Unlike today, it would not have been considered too formal for a wife to address her husband as "Mr." in speech. In Pride and Prejudice, we never discover Mr and Mrs Bennet's christian names, because they only address each other formally as Mr. Bennet and Mrs Bennet, or as "my dear".

Yet, not every married couple was so formal. When Mr. Elton introduces his new bride to the neighbourhood, Harriet observes that he calls his wife by her Christian name, and it seems likely that younger newlyweds might address each other by name where a long-married couple might not:

"To know that he has not thrown himself away, is such a comfort!-- She does seem a charming young woman, just what he deserves. Happy creature! He called her 'Augusta.' How delightful!"
[Chapter 32, Emma, by Jane Austen]

Similarly, the newly married Lady Juliana and Henry Douglas also address each other by diminutive names:

"Shall I be your Abigail?" asked her husband, smiling at the distress; "me thinks it would be no difficult task to deck my Julia."
"Dear Harry, will you really dress me? Oh! That will be delightful! I shall die with laughing at your awkwardness;" and her beautiful eyes sparkled with childish delight at the idea."
[Chapter 3, Matrimony, by Susan Ferrier]

And in this final example of a titled husband and wife—Lord and Lady Avondale—the husband uses his wife's Christian name, while she addresses him by his title:

"I think, Avondale, without flattery, you are in the list whom I would die to save; whom I would bear every torture and ignominy to support and render happy."
"Try then, my Calantha," said Lord Avondale, "to render them so; for, believe me, there is no agony so great as to remember that we have caused one moment's pang to such as have been kind to us."
[Chapter 19, Glenarvon, by Lady Caroline Lamb]

Edited to add: details of the "Master" style of address

[Image: An illustration by C. E. Brock, from Pride and Prejudice, pub. 1895, showing the moment Sir William Lucas addresses Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy: "My dear Miss Eliza, why are not you dancing? -- Mr. Darcy, you must allow me to present this young lady to you as a very desirable partner."]