Reading the Regency

Forms of Address - part 1

Madam and Ma'am would also be used by servants to address their mistress or female visitors, unless "my lady" was more appropriate.

Mr. (Mister)

A respectful form of address to any gentleman, whether married or single, who does not use any other courtesy title.

The most senior male in the household, without another title, would be addressed as Mr. + surname. Younger males would add their Christian name. For example, if the father of the house was Mr. Smith, then his eldest son might be Mr. John Smith, and his second son could be Mr. Thomas Smith.

However, if the father of the house was Sir Thomas Bertram, then his eldest son would be known as Mr. Bertram, and his second son would be called Mr. Edmund Bertram.

To confuse matters, if the eldest brother was away from home, then the second brother might instead be addressed as Mr. Bertram, as this example from Mansfield Park shows:

"My sister and Mr. Bertram. I am so glad your eldest cousin is gone, that he may be Mr. Bertram again. There is something in the sound of Mr. Edmund Bertram so formal, so pitiful, so younger-brother-like, that I detest it."
[Chapter 22, Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen]

Mrs. (Missis)

During this period, someone calling themselves Mrs did not have to be married. As a short form of Mistress, "Mrs" was also a respectful style of address for an older female who was in a position of authority, or skilled in a particular trade. This is why, during the Regency period, a housekeeper would often be called Mrs. + surname, by her employers and the other servants, whether she was married or not.

"And then the funeral pomp set forth... in honour of the well-preserved maiden fame of Mrs. Margaret Bertram."
[Chapter 37, Guy Mannering by Sir Walter Scott]

Any elderly unmarried woman might also be called "Mrs" as a courtesy; giving her respect due to her advanced years.

Women who married would normally take the title Mrs along with their husband's surname. If they were marrying a plain Mr. Smith, then they would become Mrs Smith.

"The same manners, however, which recommended Mrs. John Dashwood to the good opinion of Lady Middleton did not suit the fancy of Mrs. Jennings, and to her she appeared nothing more than a little proud-looking woman, of uncordial address, who met her husband's sisters without any affection, and almost without having anything to say to them."
[Chapter 34, Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen]

If you had a family with more than one son, there was a way of identifying which "wife" you were addressing. When brothers John Smith and Thomas Smith married, their wives would be Mrs John Smith and Mrs Thomas Smith. This would also avoid them being mistaken for Mrs Smith, their mother-in-law. Likewise, the Mrs John Dashwood mentioned above would never be mistaken for her mother-in-law, who would always be known as Mrs Dashwood.

The only time this did not happen was if the new wife already had a courtesy title from her father that was of higher status than her husband. One example of this was Mr. Darcy's parents, who were Mr. Darcy and Lady Anne Darcy. Because Lady Anne was the daughter of an earl, she kept her "Lady Anne" courtesy when she married a plain "Mr", so would never have been addressed as Mrs Darcy.

Miss

"You and Miss Smith, and Miss Fairfax, will be three, and the two Miss Coxes five; and for five couple there will be plenty of room."
[Chapter 29, Emma by Jane Austen]