takes a bit more • matthew healy

xxviii.) bones

"your mum is a bit shit for not contacting you, isn't she?"

"come on, matty, you know she would never. she'd love me if i were dead."

"then let's die together, then."

"don't say that."

rhiannon looks breathtakingly beautiful with the afternoon sun shining from the windows onto her pretty blue eyes. honestly, this small japanese-themed restaurant looks complete shit and cheap, but i had to give in because rhiannon had been craving for japanese food since this morning.

"stop looking at me like that." she comments, pointing her chopstick towards my plate, "eat your sushi."

i smirk, then i proceed to shove a full california maki in my mouth. "you do know i'm lucky to have you here, don't you love?"

"what?" she giggles, because it's obvious that i sound complete gibberish what with food in my mouth.

so i take a gulp of my red iced tea and i say it again. "i'm lucky to have you, rhian."

i see her blush, but she raises her eyes in a form of surprise. "you're being a bit sentimental now, matthew. is this what you say after you semi-fuck girls behind a garbage dump?"

"well," i reply, picking on her plate with my chopsticks. i reach for a salmon sashimi before dipping it in soy sauce and wasabi. "you couldn't be more wrong, actually. i'm unbelievably sentimental."

i hear her sigh. "that's lovely to hear."

while chewing on my sashimi, i ask, "do you think your mum will suddenly go three-sixty on me and report to the police that i stole her daughter?"

rhiannon's beautiful blue eyes avert to the wooden table. "god, it sounds so awful when you say it like that."

"i'm just a bit concerned. i don't want you to come live with her again for fuck's sake. see how she's treated you."

"it makes me scared for my future." her eyes suddenly shoot up to lock with mine. "honestly. i know i'm fucked up. i don't regret it. if i wasn't, i haven't had met you." she rambles on. "but for my real future—like, my entire life after this phase. it just scares me, you know." my girlfriend stays silent for what seems like a full minute. then, i hear her mutter. "i'm turning eighteen and fuck knows what's going to happen to me."

"there's a shit ton of things." i say at once, although it takes me a split second to realize it isn't a rather helpful thing to say, so i add, "you're going to have to venture off to discover what you can do with your life. isn't that what alice had told you before we left?"

at that, rhiannon frowns. "i miss alice."

i raise an eyebrow. "she has not been in contact as well?"

"no, not really." she sighs. "she's probably a bit busy."

"busy with what? making coffee?"

"fuck, i don't know. stop." bringing her hands to her temples, she looks at me as if she's under pressure. "it makes me feel like, ever since i got on with you, it's like my real external world has shifted, you know?"

i stare blankly at her. "no." i reply flatly. "but, go on. tell me."

"it's not much of a bad thing, really. quite a self-discovery is all." rhiannon says, but the way she says it, it sounds like a bad thing. "when i left everything to go with you on tour, to pursue this... i don't know what this is, matty. sometimes i just get so fucking frustrated on what this really is."

i frown. "you're my girlfriend, i thought we have established that already."

"we did." she exhales, looking down on her shoes, looking exasperated. "we did we did we did. we're in this... relationship. but what else are we doing besides having sex, honestly? you never tell me anything."