It's Whatever

Time to get up

"Heaven!" I heard my mother yell.

I heard my door slam open and I was shaken awake. I leaped out of bed and turned to my mom. She had an enormous smile plastered across her face.

"I don't want to.... " I whined.
I've been resenting the first day of school all summer. I haven't hung out with my friends in a while and I don't know if I can tell them about wanting to be a guy.

I guess I'll just keep that to myself.

I got up and put on a baggy gray sweater and a pair of dark grey jeans. I was brushing my teeth and my hair, giving myself the "here we go again look" like I was arguing with my mom and and was like "oh this again!" but to myself because no one else is here and I'm not gonna complain to my mom about my mom. My mom promised me that we'll get some breakfast before school at a restaurant or something. I grabbed my backpack and put it on. I got in the car and waited for my mom. when my mom got in the car we took off for breakfast.

We sat down, ordered, and started eating. I noticed that my mom kept looking up.  "so," she began, and I was super happy she broke the tension because the country diner music lightly playing in the back was driving me nuts because I hate country music. "You know that Susan is coming back, right?" 

I choked on my waffle, "really?". Susan was my best friend. She moved away a while ago, her mom keeps moving jobs.
" Yeah. "
"And she isn't going to move again, is she? "
"Her mother doesn't think they'll have to. "
School was starting to sound better.
No, EVERYTHING was starting to sound better. With my bestfriend by my side.

After we ate and left I got into the car and was bouncing in my seat all the way to school. The drive felt long and excruciatingly boring, but my excitement kept me from falling asleep.

We got close to the school and I felt a sudden wave of nervousness go over me.
I started worrying that maybe she had changed a bunch over the summer.

I slowly excited the car like I was melting off my seat.
"I love you. " My mom said "have a great day. "
I groaned and headed to the school with my hands in my pockets and my confidence the toilet. I wanted to tell her that I wanted to throw up on the side walk and die before I go in there but she'd drag my corpse in anyways. "dead or alive, you need education." is her motto, damn her for being a brilliant college grad instead of a highschool dropout. 

I opened the door to the school and walked in, I headed down the hall to the cafeteria where they served breakfast.
I scanned the room for anyone I knew.

There she was, a pale white girl with red curly hair, maybe a little chubby, in a dress and long socks with cats on them and sneakers. Harley Quinn sneakers.

I think she noticed me too, well I don't think, I know. She stood up and stared at me for a second and ran up to me.
"Oh my sweet, holy, Jesus on a t-Rex riding a tricycle!" she cried out.
"I thought I was gonna be alone all year."

She wrapped her arms around me and slammed her face into my Sweater and saying thinks like "sweet mother of Mary....Moses in a hand basket...."

She was still the same old Susan.

She let go of me "my goodness....you look like absolute, fucking, garbage...more dead inside than usual...."

"Thanks suze." I gave her a little grin.
"I always love some optimism from you. Ya know, you don't look half bad yourself."

"Thanks sugar, I got a new outfit just for the occasion."
She is really blurring the line between edgy teen and female country stereotypes, but that's why I love her.

we took a moment to check our classes and I have only 2 classes with her.

"That's not bad, at least it wasn't like last year when we had no classes together, right Heaven?" My face said what I was thinking. I gave her a wince and adverted my eyes.

"what's wrong?" she asked " you look like someone just spilled spaghetti on your favorite band hoodie.".  Even after she tried to laugh it off I kept silent.

should I tell her? do I trust her to know that I'm a guy?.....I'll tell her later, I decided.

"Ah, well, I-I.... I'll tell you after school. we'll go to the park." I gave her an innocent smile and like that she agreed and we headed to our first classes in opposite directions. I had gym first, great. Girls locker room, moving, being bad at sports, preppy cheer leading bitches. I can't wait. I entered the girls locker room and looked for locker 43. I pulled my gym clothes from out of my bag and went into one of the stalls in the back. I dressed up and stepped out of the stall and looked in the mirror.

I didn't like the showy outfit on my pale legs and my gross arms. the way it showed too much of my ass. The way it squeezes my barely existing boobs. It didn't feel like me. I hate it, I hate my body.

Then Madelyn showed up. God I hate her.

"Hey Heaven! how are you and your flat ass?"

What is it with her and butts? Whenever she judges a person she always goes for the insults on their ass, probably cause she takes pride in her butt that definitely looks like she forced two hamburger buns into her short shorts.

"Oh boy! I sure as hell missed you!" I said with a faint eye roll, and a shit eating grin and a hand under my chin. She crossed her arms and scoffed before walking away. At least I don't have to listen to her complain, maybe she grew her pigeon sized brain since the incident last year where she poked fun at me for wearing a sports bra and so Susan stole her push up bra and hung it on the classes mini flag holder for all to see. Turns out she's not a double D, nor do her boobs stay up likes she brags about, she stuffs and lifts, Tsk Tsk Maddy.

Enduring gym was truly the worst, I don't know how I did it, I never exercise. It felt like my body was made out of fire and I was sweating lava. How do I stay so skinny?

I waited outside for Susan to show up but everyone had already left so I figured she went to the park without me. I headed out for the park next to the school and walked along the side of the road until I saw her red hair swinging back and forth slowly on a swing. I came up behind her and took a seat on the swing next to her.

"So what's that thing you wanted to tell me?"
I froze up. Why is it so hard? She's like my bestest friend in the entire world and I can't just say "hi, I'm Noah, and I'm a boy that is actually a girl!"
Oh god.
"How important is it? 1-10?" She asked.
"To me, 11." I felt queezy, and for something I shouldn't be worried about because I'm sure she'd understand.
"Well, take your time, you don't have to say anything if you don't wa-"

"OK! IM TRANS! AND- and I go by Noah now...."

Ok, that sounded weirder than expected.

She studied my face for a moment, and then grabbed my hand and shook it. "Well I'm obliged to meet you, Noah."