Aaron | ON HOLD

13 ||

A part of me felt so relieved, so bloody relieved that those words were out of my mouth. They felt real, raw, right in a way but so very wrong at the same time. Yet, another part of me was even more anxious.

My secret was out.

The worse secret I had ever kept. The most wrong secret I had ever kept. It was out in the open and I was vulnerable.

I felt like a child again but this time, it was a hundred times worse.

"Chloe." I heard Sarah's voice before I felt her hand on my back. It was nice to feel supported, nice to have a back bone, something I didn't feel I had any more.

There was more silence and I continued to sob.

"That is fucked up, girl." I heard her sigh. She didn't have to tell me that twice. I realised how fucked up it was and for Sarah to say it, it must have been wrong.

"I know it's wrong, it's the worst thing I've ever done and I've tried to resist him and I've tried to stop myself, I'm never like this, I didn't think I'd ever do anything as bad as this and I have, I don't know what's going on with me and-"

"Chloe, shut up."

"I'm a mess right now, I'm a huge mess, I'm anxious all the time. I'm scared I'm going to lose my job, my life. I could go to prison." I wailed.

"Chloe!" Sarah snapped. "Like I said, I never judge and I never will. Yes, it's fucked up, it's pretty much illegal."

"Thanks." I sniffed.

"Well, it is. You know that and so does everyone else. There has to be some sort of feelings included in this-" she waved her hands. "Whatever this is. There has to be, you'd never go for him otherwise."

I thought about it some more.

I mean, yeah, I loved sleeping with him. I craved him, craved him in a way I never craved anyone before. But feelings? Was that even more wrong?

I didn't think she was wrong.

I think I did have feelings for Aaron.

"I won't tell anyone. You're going to be okay, Chloe, I'll make damn sure you won't lose your job or be imprisoned. I need you here, making my life more entertaining."

Entertaining? That wasn't quite the word for it.

"Thanks, again." I sniffled.

"I'm not scared for you, not one tiny bit. I feel as bough I should be, but I know you'll be careful." She stopped. "You'll be careful, won't you?" I looked into her face and for once, Sarah looked worried.

"I'm trying my best to be." It was harder than it sounded. Her worry did nothing to seize mine, however.

"You'll be fine." Sarah said with finality in her voice. "I trust you and for now, I'll trust King. Maybe I'll speak to him one day this week-"

"Is that the best idea?" I injected.

"Maybe, maybe not. But I feel it has to happen, I can't be safe until knowing you're safe otherwise."

I nodded at her. If that's what it took, I'd let her.

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" I questioned her. I prayed with everything I had that she wouldn't. It was hard putting your life in to someone else's hands.