Equilibrium (Reylo)

Thirty-Five: "Came From Somewhere"

A sound between a scoff and a laugh bellowed out of Ben's throat. "Family doesn't receive special treatment," he replied, like he was reciting something he has heard before. "Not that he was much of family to begin with."

"At least you had family," Rey murmured. She shook her head, staring down at the puzzle piece in her hand. It's had grass with a drop of yellow. Maybe a flower? "I—on the other hand—do not have anything to remember my parents." She stretched her hand out, searching for a place to attach this to the other pieces from the part of the puzzle she's completed. "Only that they abandoned me."

Rey heard Ben sigh, more like a heavy aspiration from frustration. He looked at her now, but didn't close the book. "Remember I told you that you're not alone," he reminded her, as if he was giving her a lecture. "Your surrounded by so many people here like your friends, my mother, me."

Rey let out a sigh herself. "Is it possible to still feel lonely when you're not alone?" she thought aloud, leaning back against one of the bedposts.

"I know how that feels," he told her, quietly.

Rey met Ben's gaze, just before he turned away and continued reading. She stared down at the yellow dot as another thought crossed the desert girl's mind. "Are we ever gonna talk about what happened back on the Star Destroyer? After I saved you?" she asked, feeling like she's stepping on thin ice. "What I was about to do—"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ben asked, his eyes lifting off the pages. "Because we don't have to." He eyed the carpet like he just noticed what color it was.

"I've been thinking about it for a while. I need to talk about it."

He placed the book on his lap, exchanging a look with her before he finally closed it, knowing this wouldn't end quick. "Rey. . ."

"You said it yourself. You knew Skywalker saw my strength—my power–just he's seen it before in you," she told him, remembering the fear on the once Jedi Master's face. Seeing Luke's reaction to her temptation to the darkness almost scared her, too. "What he saw in me scared him."

Ben placed the heavy book next to his leg, shifting his body to give Rey his full attention. He pondered for a moment what Rey was trying to say. What she meant by bringing up her few lessons with Skywalker. He remembered she mentioned about what she saw in the cave. What she hoped to see and how it made her felt. Is she trying to say this has to do with allowing herself to be tempted by the darkness that pulled her there?

"Rey, its okay to accept there is darkness in you," he said in spite of his thoughts. "You've accepted me and I will do the same—"

"But where does it come from?" she inquired. "I know you like to think that there's darkness in you, but Snoke's the one who made you turn into your hatred from the start."

"That hate came from somewhere," he replied, like he thought about this for some time. "I had anger in me that drew me to the Dark Side. Anger at my parents for leaving me at the academy, my father for leaving me, my mother never seeing me, my own uncle who. . ." Ben clutched his hand into a fist, letting his voice die out.

Rey knew Ben couldn't finish that last part if he really wanted to. If he did, Ben would think back about what happened that night at the academy that made him truly hate his uncle. Not that he didn't care about him, but how his uncle almost failed him until it was too late. More and more and the truth will plague Ben until he dreams of it like the nightmare he once had of his father for not forgiving him for murdering him.