I'm Not Like Him [boyxboy]

Chapter 15

I've realised that I've never cried in front of someone. Nobody's ever been there to hold me or comfort me; I've always been alone. I've either been in the confines of my own room or I've been somewhere where there wasn't anybody around.

I sigh deeply and shudder at the thought of anybody watching me cry. It seems so pathetic. I feel a pat on my back and I jump, blinking away any memories.

"Sorry, mate." Isaac smiles. "We're nearly on."

"Yeah, sorry." I stand up and grab my guitar, feeling the familiar butterflies in my stomach colliding with each other.

I'm going to play my own songs and my soul will be laid bare. The barriers are going to come down and I won't be able to stop it because we need this, we need to become a proper band for other people to listen to.

I swallow hard as we're announced and I look to my other band members for support. Kellin is grinning, not hiding his excitement. Elliot is breathing deeply, I know he's also nervous. But not for the same reason I am. Isaac is looking at me, giving me a quick nod. He understands.

"Good evening, everyone. We're so glad that you've come all this way to see us! We're Remember Us Later and we're going to be playing some original songs. We hope you like it." I grin, overcoming my feeling of panic as I look towards the crowd.

If this goes well, we could be playing the big shows.

"This song is called Bruised." I announce, swallowing hard.

I begin to sing, visualising the words in my head. I see my father and a whiskey bottle, faint images of my late mother invading my mind. I pay no attention and play to the crowd.

When we all finish the song and launch into another one, I can see enjoyment on people's faces. I spot John from the record company and he's smiling, nodding along to the beat of the music.

The words of the next song tumble out of my mouth as I sing them, the familiar sound of my guitar makes me feel proud. I used to play this song in my apartment alone, now I'm playing it to a crowd of people. Sure, there aren't hundreds of them but there's enough.

My eyes are focused on the door and I watch River come in for work. He doesn't know that I'm playing today. At least, I don't think he does based on the shock on his face. I can see that he wants to leave but he doesn't because he's never heard this song before.

I wrote it two days ago and I was adamant on singing it. The guys learnt it quickly, much to my relief. Only Isaac knows who it's about, even if I did try to pass it off as being about Taylor. I'd called the song River Runs Deep. Nobody else caught on about my relationship with him, of course they hadn't.

As I sing his name, River glances up and widens his eyes. I look down at him and I keep singing, trying to convey my emotions through my song for him. He has an icy look in his eyes which puts me off and I close my eyes, wishing I hadn't just seen that. I open them and he's gone. He's lost in the crowd and I can't see him anymore.

When I wrote the song, I thought it would fix everything.

How naïve was I?

*

"Goddamnit!" I mutter as I slam my fist down onto the table.

"Whoa, Alex. What's wrong with you?" Elliot speaks, narrowing his eyes. He lifts a beer bottle to his lips and I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down in his throat.

"Nothing." I say through gritted teeth. It's meant to be a celebratory drink for getting a thumbs up from that John Sampson guy but I'm in the opposite mood.