The Lonely And Impulsive// ZIALL

chapter 1

This book is the only thing currently that is keeping me going, as in it's filling the void in my life at this very moment, if people happen to like it that would just be a bonus, as for the updates on it, it could be few and far between, so don't get your hopes up too high.
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Zayn's P.O.V

I awake with a jolt, sweating profusely as in my dream I had died, once again. I sink back into my bed slowly with the realization that I had not in fact left the spot I had fallen asleep in.

My dreams have just started progressively getting worse, and worse. The image of my family, and I praying for our demise to be as painless as possible still was ingrained into my brain minutes after waking up. Eventually I checked the time on my phone, squinting at the brightness as the clock read :

5:59 am

It fucking would be one minute before my alarm goes off, this is fucking bullshit, like fuck dude I can't catch a fucking break, what a- my thoughts were interrupted by my alarm blaring along with the stupid little fucking flash blinking, blinding me everytime it flashed signaling it was time to get up.

I dismissed the alarm, and laid in bed contemplating how easy it would be to just walk into the ocean, rubbing my hands over my face repeatedly as I contemplated my fate. The cool waves would engulf my body, and take me away, how far away was debatable, and for that reason I managed to roll out of bed and start getting ready for work.

The walk was just as infuriating as the wake, it was cold outside, and the side walk was especially slippery today, I caught myself struggling to stay upright every 20 steps, or so, my hands aggressively protruding from my sides trying to aid in steadying myself everytime I stepped too bravely on some of the ice in my path.

Even as terrible as the walk was, it was probably the highlight of my day, as it is the only part of my day where I actually seem to feel something other than fear, or regret. The fresh air always seems to bring me some sort of peace, the combination of the wet forest floor and the chilly air that nips your skin justs puts me in a really light and airy mood no words could ever do it justice.

The sight of my work coming into view always puts a damper on the mood, but I take out my keys from my jacket pocket, and start unlocking the door. I work at a book store called "brandon's books" about a 30-35 minute walk away from my house. I don't know who the fuck brandon is, or even if that dude is still alive, OR even if he ever worked here, some genius probably was just going for something catchy and failed miserably.

The door eventually ended up opening, as I was entering the building I heard a shout from behind me.

"Hey, is the store open?!"

I turned, and to my surprise it was a young man, blonde, and quite flustered, he appeared to have been running as his hair seemed disheveled and his face a bright pink.

"Yes, we are now open, is there anything I can help you with?" I replied with my best costumer service voice now activated.

He had seemed a little in a rush as he quickly spit out that he was looking for a some independent self descovery novels.
I showed him to our selection after turning on the lights and soon took my place behind the front counter patiently waiting for him to appear.

When he did appear he had a couple of books with him. When he set them on I started the process of checking them out, and of course I started some small talk to fill the awkward silence.

"Find some good reads?"

The fished seemed to take the bait, as he replied fairly quickly.

"I hope so, my brothers birthday is today, and I totally lost track of time. He really enjoys books so I hope he enjoys these."

That's kinda sweet remembering to get his brother a birthday present, my siblings do fuck all.

"I have a feeling he'll love them" he smiles as I finish putting the books in a bag for him, I tell him the price, and he pays, but before he leaves he stops and looks over his shoulder to say,

"I have a feeling, I'll be coming back here often" smiles again, and walks out, and I think I might be looking forward to that. The thought of that makes me cringe a little bit though, the thought that I think I literally caught feelings because someone cute smiled at me.

I hate that.