The Dating Game

FORTY-ONE

Saturday, February 10th

I wake up the next morning with a sore throat and puffy eyes. When I recall kissing Miles, the first thing I think to do is brush my teeth three times over. Just remembering his lips makes me sick.

I try not to let my mind wander over the words he said to me; I try to protect myself from falling victim to his manipulation and arrogance. But the more I try to push myself away from the idea of him, the harder it becomes to ignore the things he said about me.

I did end up being able to call Isaac last night, which only came as half of a surprise to me. I thought it would be too late over in Nevada; I assumed he'd be sleeping already. But after the fourth try, he finally answered the phone, albeit sounding pretty drunk to some degree.

"Is everything okay?" He had asked me despite not being fully present, which was a sweet reminder of our friendship. This year was really testing our bond for a while there but in the end, we're closer than we've ever been, even though he still thinks my relationship with Chase was only a ploy to get to Miles. Too bad that ended horrifically.

We ended up talking for hours. I wasn't sure if Isaac was at a party or just drinking with his sister at home, but he stuck around while I spilled everything to him. I know it's technically against the rules, but the Dating Game was over and there weren't any of Holly's minions around to test my loyalty. At least I'm really hoping there weren't any of them hanging around.

I told him how it all started at Holly's New Year's party when she stole me away in the middle of that stupid argument we'd gotten into. I talked about how the whole plot of the game was so surreal and how I surprised myself when I agreed to join. Isaac started to question if the Michelle that agreed to the Dating Game was the same Michelle he brought to that party; I didn't know what to tell him.

I ranted about anything and everything related to the game. The rules, the dates, the moment I realized I developed feelings for Chase, the moment I realized I've only ever been in love with the idea of Miles rather than him as an actual person. Of course, drunk Isaac could hardly contain himself with each new detail I told him about, but he promised to keep it chill until I was less emotionally vulnerable.

And then I told him about my dad. And how shitty it felt going through all of that without my best friend by my side. We'd shed a few tears as I explained to him my mother's hustle and the nights I spend babysitting Naomi rather than living like a normal teenager. He tried to apologize but I couldn't accept an apology that he had no obligation to give me. I was just glad to finally tell him about everything. No more secrets between us.

When I finished catching him up on absolutely everything, he spilled the drama happening in his life.

"I hope you know I didn't choose to go with Sonia entirely on my own," he had told me, making sure to elaborate by revealing his parents kicked him out of the house after he tried coming out to them. He would've asked to stay with me but since we were in a fight, and he can be a petty guy, he decided to move out to Vegas with his older sister who couldn't have cared less what he identified as.

Our entire phone call was a much-needed debrief that benefited both of us and it felt good to know my best friend again. I've missed him so much ever since he left. Plus, he always had a way with words, especially when trying to give me advice. Usually, I'd be too stubborn to follow through with whatever he would suggest, but this time, he encouraged me to do the one thing I'd been too scared to do all day.

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Before I can even fully register the decision I'm making, my hand is already knocking at Chase's front door.