Soul Seeker

6: Companion

She kept trying to bring it up, but Tonraq was busy filling her in on everything that had been happening in Nome while she had been confined to the house, and she couldn't figure out how to change the subject without cutting him off.

She could have changed the subject at any time, of course. She was just putting it off, because she didn't want to say it out loud and she was dreading his reaction.

Before she knew it, the sun was sinking and a harsh wind started blowing snow into their faces.

"It's getting dark fast," Tonraq said. "We'd better make camp now."

They set up camp quickly and efficiently, and huddled together with the dogs after they had eaten to stay out of the gale.

"There's something I need to tell you," Ciara began.

Tonraq gave a soft snore. She turned to look at him, realising he had fallen asleep.

She would tell him tomorrow.

*

They were greeted by murky whiteness when they crawled out of the tent that morning. Snow was still falling steadily, and they pulled their hoods up against it. Luckily their coats were insulated with the long-haired winter hides of reindeer, the warmest things in the world, so the cold only nipped at their faces as they fumbled to pack up camp as quickly as possible before the sleds became buried.

"Tonraq, I need to tell you about what's in Jost," Ciara said as they tied the disassembled tent to his sled.

"What, now? Can't it wait?" Tonraq squinted through the falling flakes at her.

"No, it really can't." Her stomach churned. "I'm not just going to find a guardian. Darius told me about a man he knows who's looking for them, a man who's putting his life in danger. He's his enemy, and they have a blood feud."

"Darius. Has an enemy."

"Yes, and I have to kill him."

Tonraq gaped at her. "You're joking, right?"

"I wish I was."

"But that doesn't make sense, you getting involved in someone else's blood feud. Why you? Why can't he do it himself?"

"He would but he can't, Fell – the man – would be expecting him."

"He could at least try. Ciara, you can't kill someone."

"My friendship with Darius puts my life on the line, too, I'm already involved. And we hunt for game all the time."

"That's not the same! You can't compare killing an animal to killing a human."

"We aren't that different from animals," Ciara reminded him. All hunters knew to treat the natural world with the utmost respect.

"Yes, but we kill to survive – this is a revenge killing. It's different."

"It's self-defence!"

"Really? So this Fell has already attacked you?"

"Well, no."

"It's not self-defence." Tonraq's voice had grown colder than she had ever heard it, and he looked at her like she was a stranger. She suddenly felt very small.

"Fell is looking for the guardians, and if he finds one, he'll destroy Darius. And me."

"Fell doesn't even know you exist, and for all we know he may never find a guardian – there's a reason they've been missing for centuries."

"Darius is convinced he will, and Darius never jumps to conclusions."

"You're going to kill a man because he might find a guardian and you might be in danger."

"He's a murderer! He killed Darius's brother. Would I feel threatened if someone killed Cali and I knew they were roaming around doing whatever they please? Yes!" Ciara raised her voice so Tonraq could hear her over the wind.

"Ciara, you can't just kill someone! Even in the farthest reaches of the tundra where the Outriders never look, it's still an unforgivable crime – why do I even need to say it? You should know that!" he shouted.

"I do," she shot back.

"Obviously you don't."

"Look, I didn't ask for you to come with me!"

"This isn't like you. We should turn back and forget all about this."

"I can't. I'm going to find Fell and find a guardian."

"Why?"

"My sister is leaving me, Darius is all I have!"

Flurries twisted the air between them as Tonraq backed away.

"I obviously don't mean enough to you, then."

"Wait – that's not what I meant. Tonraq, please –"

"You're right." Savagely, he pulled the snow anchor out of the crust. "I shouldn't have come with you. Make your own mistakes, it's clear you're not going to listen to me."

"Tonraq, I do listen to you, and I wish there was another way –"

"Save your breath." She had never heard cheerful, lovely Tonraq say anything with such bitterness before. "I'm going home."

His sled lurched away and the snow swallowed him up.

Ciara sat heavily. Her dogs swarmed around her with their tails lashing, expecting to follow. She should have known Tonraq would never agree, but she hadn't expected him to look at her with such disappointment and disgust. Who was she to him now? A heartless killer?

"What choice do I have?" she whispered to the storm, aware that her lips were turning numb.

The wind sang a mournful note, a poor reply.