Show Me ↝ Black Panther

09

From the moment the Wakandan ship took off, N'Deke felt like he was leaving a piece of himself behind. As he sat in one of the corners, eyes shut, his mind began replaying the conversation he had with his mother before his departure. How she'd begged him to stay. How he'd been on the verge of caving in.

"I can't lose you, N'Deke. Please don't go. Please don't make me put on my grieving clothes again."

Jeniba had buried her sister not too long ago, and before that it was her mother. She'd done enough grieving as it was. The last thing he wanted to do was add on to that list, but he also couldn't bring himself to stay. That was when the conversation turned into a fight.

T'Challa, Nakia and Okoye watched him as he put his head between his hands.

"He doesn't seem okay," Nakia remarked, her tone full of worry.

Okoye scoffed. "I told you we shouldn't have brought him with us. He will not be of any use to us in this state."

The king sighed. He and Okoye had already argued over this, and he did not want a repeat of that. "I'll go talk to him," he said before making his way over to N'Deke.

He lowered himself onto the floor, right besides the young man. If N'Deke heard or saw him sitting, he didn't make any signs to show he'd acknowledged T'Challa's presence.

"N'Deke." When he got no answer, T'Challa placed a hand on N'Deke's shoulder and shook him gently. "Hey."

He raised his eyes for all answer. It wasn't much, but it was progress.

"Talk to me. What's wrong?" N'Deke shrugged his shoulders. T'Challa didn't let up. "Come on. You can tell me."

N'Deke seemed to hesitate for a split second. And then he remembered how T'Challa had stood up for him during and after the Tribal Council. The least he could do was be honest with him. "I feel like I made a mistake."

"A mistake? By coming with us?"

"I..." N'Deke drew in a deep breath. "No, more so I feel like I've let my mother down. She's already been through so much, I can't stand the thought of putting her through more."

T'Challa knew from Shuri how frail the link holding N'Deke's family together was. With Akina having been exiled and M'Bao putting his duties as chief before his own family, Jeniba was really all N'Deke had left, and he was all she had left.

"Is that what she told you? Or is that what you gathered?"

"When we were talking, I lost control of my emotions at some point. I raised my voice. I'll never forget how she looked at me, like I was a stranger standing in front of her. And when she told me she saw my father in me, I had to leave." He leaned his head against the wall with a grimace. "I left without even saying goodbye."

T'Challa stared at the floor in contemplation as he thought of his own mother. Ramonda, too, had had her fair share of worries when it came to him taking off on these missions. The two had also had their arguments. But despite it all, there was one important thing he'd learned.

"Worry and fear can make you say all kinds of things, and not all of them are good," he said. N'Deke slowly glanced up at him. "Not all of them come from the heart either. I won't sit here and pretend to know anything about you, or your family, or your mother. What I can tell you is that she loves you. She loves you so much that despite whatever she may have said to try to get you to stay, she still let you go because she knew that this is something you want to do for yourself."

N'Deke blinked. He'd never thought about it that way. After her two losses, if Jeniba really wanted to she would have held him back. She wouldn't have stood there as he walked out the hut without another word. She wouldn't be able to stand it if she lost her only son, but she didn't want to interfere with his ambitions either.

There was silence for a second. T'Challa wrapped an arm around the younger's shoulders and squeezed comfortingly. "You're becoming a man. You are on your own path now. She sees that, and she doesn't want to get in the way. I don't doubt she's praying to Bast and the ancestors for your safe return. You will return to her safely and tell her about all the sights you've seen, and all the junk food you've tried. Or perhaps don't tell her about that, I don't think she'd take it too well."

N'Deke eased up enough to chuckle. "She'd put me on a diet for weeks."

T'Challa patted his back. "Now get some rest. As soon as we land in Busan we're getting straight to business."

He nodded. With that, T'Challa stood up and walked over to Nakia and Okoye.

"How is he?" Nakia asked.

"Better."

"Good," Okoye said. "Because if he wasn't I would've had to throw him off this ship myself."

Nakia sighed in fond exasperation, and T'Challa stifled a laugh.