The Memoriam Files: Minds [EDITING] ✔

| Chapter 35, Fallen Angel

'So, one morning I got up early,' Newt continued, his face becoming slightly pale and his hand started trembling.
Worry washed over me, my heart beating violently in my chest, but I felt myself unable to speak.
'And I snuck out into the Maze and I went to find the tallest wall I could. And I,' he cut himself off, taking a deep breath, 'I climbed up there and I jumped off it.'
I could only stare at him while rubbing circles with my thumb on his hand. It felt like my heart had fallen into a dark pit, and there was nothing left to fill the hole with.
'Of course I got completely tangled up in all the ivy. Snapped my leg in three different places like a proper Shank,' Newt let out a small chuckle as if it had been a fun memory.
I found myself unable to do the same.
'I landed hard on the floor and I thought that was it.'
His voice was serious again, so much that it scared me.
'Then Minho found me, he picked me up and took me back to the Glade. And we never told to truth to anyone about what really happened.'

Silence hung in the air and I could only stare at Newt, who now finally turned to look at me.
His eyes were red, as if he had been trying to hold back tears but failed. He looked so broken and lost that I was confused for a second but then realisation struck me.
By telling me this he thought he had been ending our relationship. He thought that I wouldn't want to be with someone who had been desperate enough to try and commit suicide.
I opened my mouth, ready to tell him that he had been the one to convince me that secrets shouldn't break us but bring us closer together but at the very last second I swallowed my words and took a deep breath.
He had been the one who had gotten me through the most terrible things. Never complaining about me not sharing my secrets with him. And now he thought his secrets would break us?
Never, they could never.

'That's fine,' I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady, 'it really is.'

A frown appeared on his beautiful face and he seemed ready to interject but I shook my head at him. I needed to say this.

'Because I've realised that, I will always, honestly, truly, completely...love you.'

We stared at each other for a while. I didn't speak, letting him take his time to process my words. There was no rushing this.
After what felt like an hour but was probably just a minute, he seemed to have gathered himself enough to talk again.

'Dawn, don't you realise what I did?'

I nodded at him.

'I tried to kill myself.'

I nodded again.

'I wanted to bloody die!'

'What are you trying to say Newt?' I asked him calmly. 'That I should stay away from you? That you still want to kill yourself sometimes and that being with me won't always be enough to cure those urges?'

He opened his mouth but closed it again and then slowly nodded.
I gave him a sad smile. 'Newt, I-' I stopped talking as a sudden headache came up. Frowning I reached up to touch my forehead, almost as an instinct.
Newt frowned at me. 'Dawn? Are you okay?'
I wanted to tell him yes but no sound came out of my mouth as the headache suddenly became almost unbearable. A groan left my lips as I closed my eyes.

The world around me disappeared. Newt his worried shouts faded to the background and when I opened my eyes I was standing in a control room.
A small frown appeared on my face as I walked forwards to see what the screens had to show.
Sudden shock filled me, as if I had forgotten a step on the stairs.
The Glade, the screens showed the Glade. But the longer I looked the more confused I became. It wasn't the Glade as I had known it. There weren't as many boys and the Homestead was just a small shed.

I suddenly walked away from that screen and stared at another, then I realised that I wasn't in control of my own body.
One word shot through my mind. Memory.
Of course, I should've regonized it sooner, though this time was different than all the times before.
If I concentrated enough I could actually feel the younger me her emotions.
And when I did, I wish I hadn't. She was terrified, scared out of her mind but that wasn't all...
If I had to describe the feeling of a broken heart, this would be it.
Though her heart was beating violently inside of her, it felt as if it had been ripped out of her chest and impaled by thousand of knives and then put back in.
I wondered what could've happened to make younger me feel this kind of horrible pain but as I focused on the screen I already knew.
She was watching Newt. And he was climbing the walls of the Maze.
Her hands were holding on tightly to the table in front of her as he climbed higher and higher.
Then he stopped and turned to the ground. A small gasp left her lips as tears clouded her vision...She was about to shout a warning but he would never hear it and he jumped...

A scream left her lips, she turned around before he even touched the ground and suddenly began to run.
She ran out of the control room, through a long hallway and down the stairs...Halfway down the second set of stairs she broke down. Falling the ground she kept sitting there as she cried her heart out.

Suddenly the younger me, crying on the stairs disappeared and thousand of images pashed me.
In a flash I could see all the memories I hadn't been able to see until now. Everything that had been missing from my mind suddenly wasn't anymore. I knew everything about my past, no more secrets. Wicked no longer controlled my thoughts...

Breathing heavily I opened my eyes and realised then I was back on the rock with Newt.
My cheeks were wet, had I been crying?
Newt had taken my face in his hands, his brown eyes stared worriedly at me. 'Dawn? What happened?'
Trying to get some control back I took a few deep breaths but still a tear rolled down my cheek, I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to.
'I remember, Newt,' I whispered, my voice shaky.
'Remember what?' He asked slowly.
I looked up at him, seeing my pain reflected in his eyes. 'I was in the control room when it happened, I wasn't suppose to be there but I had sneaked in to watch how you were doing. Then you started to climb and I watched you...' my breath caught in my throat and Newt his eyes widened, immediately realising what I was talking about.
'But that's not even the worst part,' I added, still whispering.
A small frown appeared on Newt his face.
'After that day I never returned to the control room. Wicked never told me what really happened. I thought you were dead, for two years.'

Newt stared at me, while I was trying to steady myself.
Frustrated I wiped my tears away and then I looked back at Newt, my stomach twisting.
That had been why I had felt so much pain back in the Maze when I first looked at Newt. I thought he was dead but couldn't remember it.
My body started trembling by the mere thought of it.
All the pain and the loneliness of these past two years had been poured down on me within minutes and I wasn't in any condition right now to think straight.
Newt seemed to notice what was going on as he put his finger under my chin and raised my head, looking straight in my eyes.
'I'm right here,' he whispered, his voice small but strong.
I reached out and put my hand on his cheek. 'Me too, always,' I replied softly.
A small smile appeared on his face as he leaned in and put his lips on mine.
It was a soft kiss, filled with a promise, one that I was never going to break.

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Hey you guys,

I'm so sorry I didn't update yesterday but I was very busy and kinda forgot about it.
So I decided to update today because you guys deserve that much.

This chapter was very hard to write, which is why I stole some lines from the movie. Newt was very well written in that scene and his words were so powerful. I really wish that they hadn't taken that scene out.
Please go watch the little video I made for this chapter, I think it turned out beautiful!

I'm very proud of how this chapter turned out, so please let me know your opinion! Vote and comment, it means a lot to me...

Now that Dawn has all of her memories back a lot can happen, and a lot will happen. But we'll see all of that later. For now let's focuse on getting Thomas back and reaching Wicked in time!

Thank you all so much for your support!

xXx

UYM