Smile for Me

2

After three weeks of moving around the apartment with Jerome I noticed a few little things. Like the way he'd drop his smile when he thought I wasn't looking, or how he'd laugh a little too hard when I brought up his brother. I was probably reading into his oddities a little too deeply, but with how I was I always took the matter of happiness seriously.

At first glance you'd think that J was the happiest person alive, but something was off with him. I couldn't quite figure it out so I decided to talk to Jeremiah about it. My Ginger's greenie of a brother hadn't been that happy since Potter used us to crash some meeting and they both got shot. I honestly have no idea why he got so pissy, but Potter had said he can get really prickly.

"Hello Alaska. Why have you called?" His creepy smooth voice asked over the phone.

"Um-well...it's Jerome." I had no idea why I was so nervous, but I was.

"Yes, what's he done? If he's harmed you I can blow him up." The jump to explosives was something Jeremiah tended to do. Although, the protectiveness in his voice was comforting.

"No he hadn't done anything like that. Really I'm just worried about him," I said into the phone as I flicked a leaf off of the terrace.

"It's good to hear that he's restrained his violent tendencies. I do view you as a close friend and would hate for him to harm you. Now, about you're worrying, do elaborate."

"I think he might be depressed. I know you might not think so, but I just can't shake the feeling. The way he acts and everything-"

"I see," he cut me off, "I too have noticed some concerning behaviors but I don't know him as you do."

I nodded my head, but realized he couldn't see nonverbal communication over the phone. "Yes well, do you have any suggestions on what I could do?"

I waited a beat and then heard his voice once more, "You could use the strategy I took with your sister." I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. "Watch his behavior and then carefully confront him."

I contemplated his words and decided that it was a reasonable plan. "Thank you Jeremiah. You have no idea how much I value your input."

"Likewise Alaska."

"Also ya know I consider you a close friend as well. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask. You're probably the only person I talk to consistently that isn't related to me or my fiancé. I guess that means you're my best friend." I let out a laugh and heard what could have been a laugh on his end.

"I guess so. I have to go now, I hope this helped my friend," he said, to which I mumbled a goodbye and clicked the phone off.

•*•*•*•

Jerome was sitting at his desk - surprisingly - and writing in his journal. He'd taken to this activity since we'd decided to hold off on any illegal activities. I'd once asked him what sort of things he put in the book, but he'd only given me a devilish smile. I had my own journal, so I knew how important these things could be.

He was furiously scribbling away, a stray piece of ginger hair had fallen in front of his eyes, though he made no effort to brush it away. I walked over to him and ran my hand through his hair, causing him to quickly snap the book shut. The grin I'd had on my face faltered a bit, but with one look at the smile on his mine returned.

"Hungry? There's some leftover chicken in the fridge." He nodded and scooped me into his arms. A squeal escaped my lips and he let out a laugh as he strutted off proudly as if he'd just won some great prize.

After a considerable amount begging I convinced Jerome to put me down so I could get the food out. I studied him as he ate -just as Jeremiah had instructed me to do- and racked my brain for a way to approach the subject at hand. He must have noticed my staring at some point, because he stopped shoveling food into his mouth.

"Do I have something on my face?" He asked with a mouthful of food. He did, in fact, have a dribble of sauce on his face but I got rid of it with a swipe of my finger.

"Not anymore jóképű," I said with a light laugh. I'd noticed the jealousy in Jerome's eyes when Potter had called Jeremiah a name in our native tongue, so I'd made the decision to test it out. He seemed to enjoy it.

"What's on your mind doll?" One thing about Jerome was that he noticed everything. Any change in the atmosphere he sensed it. I found it annoying.

"Well I actually wanted to have a serious conversation with you. No laughing in the middle or getting up and ignoring the problem." At the word problem I gained his full attention.

"Problem? I wasn't aware we had any problems?" His voice took on that scary tone he used when he was doing something awful. A chill went down my spine, even though I knew he'd never hurt me I still didn't like when he talked to me like that.

"Jerome please calm down." My nervous voice caused him to give me a concerned look, "we don't have a problem. Actually, problem was a bad word to use. I just got a little worried about you."

He visibly relaxed at what I'd said. The fact that our relationship was still good took all the tension right out of him. "Babe, I've told ya not to worry about me. I might do dangerous things, but I always come out the other side. Maybe a bit screwed up but-" he stopped talking when he caught sight of my raised eyebrow. "That's not what you meant was it?"

"No Jerome it's not. Thank you though for reminding me of the dangerous things you do. I'm actually worried about your mental state." I knew I was treading on thin ice. He always got a little wonky when I brought up anything about how he was mentally.

"Alaska.." the unsaid warning was enough to have me second guessing my plan, but I'd already come this far.

"J, baby, I know you don't like talking about this, but we have to. I think you might be-"

"I'm not crazy." He cut me off. For some reason he hated anyone calling him crazy. Insane, psychotic, wacky was all okay, but he hated the word crazy.

"If you'd listen to me you'd see that's not what I'm talking about. I was t even going to comment about that." He cocked his head to the side and I decided that this meant it was okay to continue.

"Jerome, you know how I get. I'll have episodes where I'm angry beyond what I should be or I'll get too sad at the smallest of things." He nodded his head in confirmation.

"That's all because of my issues that I told you about, that not even Potter knows about." I paused and gently but my lip. I started to wonder if this was truly a topic I wanted to bring up with him.

"Yeah, you and I've talked about the depression and anxiety that comes from your PTSD. What does this have to do with me? I already told you I don't care about that sort of stuff, it doesn't change us or how I feel about you." His forehead began to crinkle in utter confusion.

"Jerome, I've noticed how you sometimes act. The way you'll laugh a little too hard to be believable or you'll stare off like you've just realized something truly horrible..." I stopped at that. This was something that I had no idea how to ask. How do you ask someone if they're depressed? How do you do that?

"What are you getting at Lask?" He got this weird look in his eyes like he was just realizing something, but as soon as it was there he covered it up with a grin.

"Jerome I think you're sad. Not sad as in you just lost your favorite toy, but sad as in it's this nagging pit in your stomach that you just keep getting caught in. Like sadness itself is a living breathing thing and it keeps trying to attack you over and over again just so it can swallow you whole." A tear fell down my cheek as I continued, "I think you're like me. I think your sadness is more than what other people's is."

He just sat there motionless. I knew I'd probably just brought something up that he wasn't entirely sure of himself, but he needed to know. Didn't he?

•*•*•*•

A/N: jóképű means handsome in Hungarian