Remission [H.S. MATURE AU]

36.*

"I bring it up just because I see you with Andres and I know that it's something you've always wanted, Scar." This time, his tone of voice is more delicate and sweet. He tries to stroke my cheek with his hand, but I quickly turn my face to the other side to prevent it. "I want you and everything you want."

"It's something that I've always wanted and that I can't have, ok? And I don't need an adopted kid, or seeing another woman carrying the child I can't give birth to, just to be reminded of it every fucking day of my life." My words are hard and strong against him and I can't help but show him how hurt and bothered I am by his insistence.

"Can you at least get checked one more time by the gynecologist I say?!" He grabs my wrist and strokes it with his thumb. He's almost begging me. I think about it for a second, before remembering that I can't go through it all over again. I can't be filled up with hope all over again, just to be let down. I can't go through again the look on the gynecologist's face while he tries to tell me that I'll never be able to have kids. It has already hurt once and I can revive it all over again. I wouldn't make it. It took me so long to get out of the state I descended into when I found out about it, I can't go back there again.

"Just drop it, ok?!" I whisper with my stare low, feeling too tired to even put up a fight with him. I slowly walk out of the room, looking for ours, which should be the one with a bed inside. He doesn't follow me this time, so I turn toward him, just to see him standing there motionless, with his back facing me. I can hear him sigh and then he brings both of his hands to his eyes, probably to dry up the tears he didn't want to show me either.

"I'm sorry for insisting..." his voice captures my attention as I start adjusting my paints and brushes around the room dedicated to my studio. He's let me some time to cool down and he's probably taken advantage of this 30 minutes apart to do the same.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice and being so hostile about the whole thing..." I sigh too. I let my brushes be and I slowly walk toward him on the doorway. "I just feel like you'll eventually get tired of me because I can't give you a child and you'll start looking somewhere else..." I admit out loud. I've thought about it a lot and the fact that he keeps insisting about it makes me so worried. He says now that he wants to spend his life with me, but maybe he'll change his mind and regret his promises in a couple of years when he'll realize that he could be with someone that is not as broke as me.

"You think that it's even remotely possible?!" He chuckles, slowly bringing his hands to my cheeks and lowering his head toward mine. I shrug my shoulders, without really giving him a proper answer. "I want you... I don't care about anything else, Scar." He smiles at me and strokes my cheek with his thumb. "Now that I have you again I won't let you go so easily..." he brings his lips to mine and kisses me with delicacy. I would like to tell him that I feel the same exact way, that he's the thing I'm most sure of in my whole life, that I crazily love him but it's something that he already knows, that he can already feel every time I kiss him or look at him. So I just kiss him back, I hold him tight to me trying to show him all of this.

I grab the fabric of his t-shirt and I drag him with me toward the bed. When my hands disappear under the fabric of his t-shirt he chuckles against my lips. With my fingertips, I trace his sculpted abdomen, up to his pectorals.

"I'm not sure that's exactly the right moment to take off our clothes, you know?!" He whispers at my ear, pushing the hair away from my shoulder and lowering his head to kiss my neck. Maybe he's right, but he doesn't seem to convince while he says that.

"No?" I ask him back, with an amused grin and then I give him a push, making him land on the bed behind him. Once he's sat down, I straddle him.

"I'm afraid that we won't be able to leave the bed if we get in already..." Harry chuckles, while I start kissing the sensitive area on his neck, very slowly, and making my way up to his jaw.