quiet dreams of crowns and metamorphosis

I don't understand this moment and this time it's not okay

TRIGGER WARNING:
Sad vibes and curse words

I don't know why everything ends so fucking quickly, it fucking hit me.  I'm tired of always feeling hopeless, I feel so unimportant.  I can't really help it, it's just my second nature.  Always a reflex to hate myself so, I'm used to the pain.  I got a gun for my birthday, might as well be my death day, I can't help but to say what a great fucking way to test how long I can fake it. Try to make it.  I have it right there in my hands, little momma.  Don't worry I won't use it in vain. I'll make sure it's gonna be okay.  We're gonna be okay.  I don't really wanna be here no more. I don't really got a reason to stay, so. This might be my final night here.  I feel like I'm breathing my last breath, like I'll drown in my own tears, in a bathtub with the same damn reasons to let go of the pain.  I gotta a lot scars all along my legs and a lot of beer to wash it all away, I'm gonna be alright. We're gonna be alright.  I swear.  That strange little girl knocking on your door was me asking if I could spend the night with you because the nightmares became true.  I woke up with a noose tied around my hands and a spray can of gas and a lit match. It wasn't my fault, I think it was me in my dreams.  My dreams.  I let my head down and cried to sleep.  I think it's my time to leave. The world is ugly, I believe but you're the only damn beautiful thing that we ever see.  I won't jump down from this rooftop until I see the sun drop and I won't leap off of this chair until my heart frees itself of despair. I won't play with this blade until you make it okay.  Please just stay.  I can't make it on my own.  I won't pop all these pills until I feel so surreal. I can't wait for Mr. Grimm Reaper to take his blade and point at me instead.  Momma didn't raise no bitch so I won't cry. Let all of those tears dry. So I'll probably leave without a goodbye please know that love is a damn lie.  It bends, breaks, and is fake.  Don't let that fake shit hit you where your brain is.  I can't see, my eyes frosted over, it's to cold to breathe.   Gotta sharp pain in my neck I tried to repress but it's like all of my friends who stabbed me in the back. The witchblades, I hate games.  Too fun to say gay stuff all the time so I take it down and say sad things all day.  Bad vibes in my brain and I wanna take twenty eight shots take it all away.  Tired of feeling pain, y'all I'm feeling pain.