The Dutch Boy [BxB]

T W E N T Y S E V E N

I drove Theo home after breakfast, though my sister was in the car with me, so I couldn't kiss him goodbye like I would've wished. Once I'd dropped him off, I swung the car around and started driving Vera to school, "Why isn't he going with you?" She asked curiously.

"He doesn't feel well." I told her simply.

"Is he sick?"

"Sort of."

"Are we gonna get sick?" She rose her brows.

"What he has isn't contagious."

She nodded, then asked, "Why did he stay with us last night?"

"Vera, stop with the questions." I instructed bluntly as I pulled up at her school. "I'll see you later."

She pouted, but said no more as she swung her backpack over her shoulder and skipped up to the entrance. I wasn't late for once, and made it to school on time, locking my car behind me as I trudged into the grey building. My friends were all huddled around my locker, waiting for my arrival as they chatted amongst themselves. "Wow, Luca, you look like shit." was the first thing Phoenix said.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, I was up late." I grumbled as I twisted the lock and yanked my locker door open.

"Was she cute?" Sam teased, nudging my shoulder playfully.

"Adorable." I shot back, making Daya grin up at me discreetly. But it was Daya, so it wasn't very discreet.

"And on a school night and everything." Daya mocked dramatically.

I glared at her threateningly, before deciding to change the conversation as quickly as possible, "How long till first period starts?" I asked curiously, rubbing my heavy eyes, weighed down with dark circles.

"Twenty minutes." Tommy replied, glancing down at his grandpa's cracked watch.

"I gotta go." I slammed my locker shut, headed down the corridor, and I slipped into an empty classroom.

I leant against the nearest table, dropped my backpack at my feet, and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I typed two words into Google. Depressive episodes.

I started browsing through the most reliable-looking site, scrolling through the symptoms. It was hard to keep up, there were so many. Anxiety. Insomnia. Loss of interest. Changes in appetite. Lack of concentration. Feeling of worthlessness. It went on and on. A sense of hopelessness, emptiness, guilt...

Suicidal thoughts.

"Whatcha looking at?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin, my heart hammering against my ribcage at the new voice that had fabricated behind me. "Fucking hell, Tommy!" I scolded, swivelling around, clutching my chest.

He wasn't paying any attention to me, his eyes were fixed on my phone screen as he peered over my shoulder, squinting as he read the article spread across the screen, "Learning your triggers? What the fuck are you reading?" He reached over to scroll down, but I grabbed his wrist and quickly turned off my phone.

"Nothing." I mumbled. "Did you follow me?" I accused.

"What? No!" He replied in mortification. "I have Sociology here first period. I got here early to talk to the teacher about an upcoming essay, but it looks as though she isn't here yet." Tommy explained, "What're you doing here?"

I sighed heavily as he perched on the table beside me. "Research." I shrugged.

"For what?"

"Psychology."

"You don't take Psychology."

I sighed, realising I was already out of excuses, "Why do you care?" I growled in annoyance, getting ready to leave before he grabbed my sleeve, forcing me to stay put.

"Luca, I have no fucking clue what's been going on with you recently, but it needs to stop. Whatever's happening, you can talk to us, to me. I can help, okay?"

"I don't need your help." I insisted stubbornly, "I'm happy."

"Great, so why don't you share some of that intense joy with your friends?" He asked sarcastically. "Because as far as I'm concerned, you've been withdrawn for weeks now. And suddenly you're looking up the symptoms of depressive episodes? What the fuck, Luca?"

"It's not for me." I hissed. "It's for my friend."

"Teddy?" He rose his brows expectantly. "You've been different ever since you started hanging out with him and less with us. Are you better than us all of a sudden?"

I laughed humourlessly, "I'll never be better than you guys. I'll never be better than Theo, I'll never be better than anyone, d'you understand that?" I asked exhaustedly. "There's a lot you don't know about me. I'm not a good person, alright?"

"Then tell me."

"I tried to burn down my school when I was younger." I was so tired, and so sick of lying. Once the words left my mouth, I felt an instant feeling of relief.

Tommy stared at me, completely dumbstruck, "You...You tried...?"

"Arson. Add that to the list of totally fucked up shit I've done." I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. "I'm trying to be better, Tommy. I'm hanging out with Theo because he makes me better. I like who I am when I'm around him and when I'm around you guys...I just...it's not the same."

"The same as what?"

"As how it used to be!" I whispered harshly. "Before we became these empty vessels who only know how to talk about sex and parties and gossip. We used to be real. Now we're just a bunch of humans who spend time together for the sake of it!"

He gulped, glancing down at his hands resting in his lap. "You should be at history." He whispered shortly after.

"I can be late." I said dryly. "Gabarro lets me do whatever I want since he caught me getting sucked off during detention."

His eyes snapped wide open as he stared at me, completely lost for words, "By who?"

"Theo." I spat, grabbing my bag and storming out of the room without a backwards glance.