Phoenix: The Battle Against Myself

I'm Done

When I go through the world, I'm just noticing the trash
That people leave, along with scraps
Of garbage and food left over from the rats

That live within the hoodlums who create trouble for the weak
Of the streets
From stealing sheets
To shooting children, seniors, and in between
I've tried to help out people, but I freeze
When they probably need

The help, perhaps they don't
Can't defend everyone, but I won't
Stand by and let people just get ran over, no

I can't do that to myself
It feels like hell
Every time I stand by and tell

Myself that it's not your place
If they can't defend themselves, then let them confront their fate

Oh my!
I need to learn how to sew my

Heart back into place
Before I go back and face
Danger to protect everything, but I'm always late

For something
I feel like nothing

I'm just
Ready to rust

Opposites attract like magnets
Until we rust and our sadness
Grows with madness

I don't know
What can I do?
Sit here and think it all out as I go
Or just plan, plan, plan before I get into the pain that I'll get myself into?

I choose plans over guts, and I always catch the pain
I can't explain
I can't complain

But this feeling sucks
It hurts so much

I might need a doctor to do a checkup
And catch up
So that I can be next up

For the spotlight
People have to know when to move like they are at a stoplight
Spotlight's on me, but I'm not liked
Is it because I'm not doing my job right?
I have another question, can we not fight?
Because war and violence is not right
People think that is, but not quite
I can not lie
I hope that we don't kill each other on sight
This world has got quite
Sloppy in our methods, we went from forms of fighting to dogfights
From classy meals and dating & marriage to continuous one night stands on prom night

I'm just done
With the bull that is going on everywhere I turn and run
I'm stunned
At people who know what's right and wrong, but still act dumb

People never realize when to chill out,
So I'm about let the truth flow from my mouth and let it spill out

One short day and one long night
People keeping up that horseplay, and they are shining in the wrong light

Yin and Yang
It's easy to be evil as I keep myself spick and span
When you're so in between, you'll be thinking, "Dang!

I'm conflicted
Oh my gosh, I feel the damage inflicting
Me, is this fiction?"
I'm always up against some competition
That usually raises my suspicions
And cooks my soul up like it's in the kitchen
I'm like Activision
I have an active vision
I can feel the fission
Splitting me more as I get heartbroken
Eventually, I'll feel like liquid
I'm not wet until you touch me, and my shape, I can shift it
I'm gifted
But that's not what will help my spirit
Be lifted
Let me get descriptive
Before I reach my limit
And get very, very livid
As I get people timid,
People have lives, and they are not living
Life, they don't know how to live it
No one's thinking for a minute
That you have to be in it
To win it

That's how it is, but I've been it to win so many times that I have a life full of losses
I'm surrounded by police tape lines and I can not cross them

People love having sides on the menu
And the bedroom turns out to be venue

People kill each other
But smart people know how to make you think that they did the other

Thing, and they left the scene
People love drama, but they don't want to help me become a better me

Reality and mortality
Ideality and morality

Most of us don't understand either
Because we are also fighters

Rebels until we die
Don't be afraid of death, because it's a part of life
That's why I strive
To keep going, even though I don't get why
I'm a small ray of truth while I'm living in the world of lies
This is why I wish I could close my eyes
And dematerialize into my consciousness so I can fly

By myself
Forget everyone else
When I asked, people never gave me the help
That I needed to have the confidence in myself

I don't know whether or not I'm truly a failure
I look at my mom every day, and I think that I've failed her

Because I'm just trying to be the warrior that she wants me to be
But I can't because there's a mental block inside of me

I'm constantly stressing about what I can't do for the house
I'm too young to provide,
But my mom is the one putting both feet forward to make sure that there's food in my mouth
I have to try

I can't do that now, and it sucks
I'm late for everything, so what was the point of planning early so much?

I'm still trying to find myself
All I can say is be safe, be careful, and for our sakes, please stay well

I'm tired of the corruption that plagues these streets
I'm tired of all these dumb posts and tweets
Love drama, but you can't even focus on yourself so you can live your life in peace
Always worrying about when someone is going to cheat
Instead of what you're going to eat
I've said enough, I give up and I'm so tired of this crap that I'm about to go to sleep

I'm just done
With the bull that is going on everywhere I turn and run
I'm stunned
At people who know what's right and wrong, but still act dumb