Phoenix: The Battle Against Myself

Should I Give Up?

Should I give up?
Should I even bother to get up?

Because every time I'm up, I get pushed down
I can never fit in around

This place of misguided people who act like misfits
I'm so broken that I'm irreparable like a toothpick
People have many imprints
Like lipstick
And now the scent after all the bad memories and experiences smells like fish sticks

I just want to live right
And teach people to treat their kin right
I can write
I can fight

But I haven't been fighting
Because I'm not violent

I've always been a pacifist
With all of my skills, I'm practicing

You never know what happens to people in the streets

They get hurt
Or burned
Or get framed and go to the police

It sucks because people will never change
Their ways
Of craziness that can harm the place
Or the families that live in your area, but what can we say?

"I hope you feel better"?
"We'll get through this together"?

But these friendships, bonds, and relationships are being tethered

If you can do it with your resources, then say, "I can help!"
This was for me, but this world wasn't meant to be all about self!

It's about me, the dirt and sky
Instead of "me, myself, and I"

Just let me know if I'm wrong
From petty crime to the darkest pit of abyss, if I had to list to name more, it would be way too long
I always stay strong

Even though I want to break down and fall to my knees
Cry tears until I fall asleep
And I'm in a dream
Until I wake up and realize that the sleep was deep

I miss the world that was respectful and kind when I grew up
Every year I learned more about this crazy and constantly rearranged world, I threw up

In my toilet just thinking about it
I'm surrounded
By the niceness given by me, cursed and rebounded

Should I give up?
Should I even bother to get up?

You know, it's hard to keep writing and perpetually feel like I'm playing my heart
It's not good for my health
I guess I'm always going to be a part
Of my demise, and that's another mistake that I put on myself

I wish I can laugh at my pain, but I can't
I cannot understand
Why I just want to give up and use my hands
To rip up my extra supply of pants
And shirts until I land
In a place where I won't annoy anyone else with my plans
I cannot get why I just want to keep going until I hold my chest with my hands
Stand in a stance
That shows that I'm on guard like Batman
I love you, but I hate who I am
People say I'm nice but when I get mean, I'm too rude until everyone takes a glance

And give me that look
What do you want me to be?
I try to be nice, but the books
Didn't say be nice or like a person, but to respect thee

Don't switch up, don't play games with me
Because if I leave, don't miss me
If a girl leans in for the mouth to mouth, please don't kiss me

I'll always be a sissy

To the "tough" guys who have to take other people's things to make their own
Instead of being at home
And making their own stuff when they are in their OWN creative zone

I've said this enough
I think I'm done, I'm sick of being nice and being rough

Not everyone has a happy ending,
So I'll be spending
My time in the house watching what's trending
Or extending

My reach somewhere else
Somewhere that my voice can be heard so I can do good for my self

It's time for me to migrate
Because my chance of giving up is at a high rate