❛ i wish i could control the way i feel. ❜
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"I DON'T KNOW," Teddy shrugs as he grabbed the bowl of popcorn and prodded his way back into the living room, plopping down on the sofa next to a solemn River. He scoops a large portion of the buttered popcorn in his hands before bringing it to his mouth. "It sounds like she's moved on if you ask me."
River chided lowly, fighting the urge to snarl back at his friend with a witty remark. When calling Teddy over her to converse about his problems, he hoped that it would offer him some form of solace but instead he was making River feel more glumly than he already did. "Gee, thanks Teddy." He murmurs, reaching forward and grabbing ahold of the cigarette carton that was placed on the table.
"Hey, you asked my opinion and I simply gave it to you." He comments, glancing up to see River opening the small carton and pulling out a cigarette, placing it in between his parted lips. "Thought you quit?"
"I did but I figured hey what the hell." He fishes through the pockets of his jeans and whiffed out his blue lighter. Just as he begins to light the nicotine stick it's being knocked out of his hand, followed by the cigarette that previously dangled from his parted lips.
"What was that for?" He exclaims, his mouth hanging slightly agape and his eyebrows creased together. He leans forward to pick the remains off of the floor until Teddy swats at his hand again. "Hey!"
"Why are you acting like a coward?"
River narrows his eyes, bewildered by his friend's sudden comment. "Excuse me?"
He sits back and watches as Teddy mellows out a deep sigh, placing the half-eaten bowl of popcorn on the table. "I said, why are you acting like a coward? Every time I come over here you're telling me about this Ronnie girl; how she's easy to talk to, how much you have in common, how beautiful she is. Yet, when you had the chance to tell her how you feel you ruin it by running away."
"It's not that simple." River denotes, shaking his head.
"Why? Why isn't it that simple?" River chuckled bitterly, feeling himself growing agitated by Teddy's antagonizing. Of course he knew that he blundered the only opportunity he had at finally admitting his truth to Ronnie but right now—he didn't need anyone making him feel more idiotic than he already did. "Because to me, it sounds like you're just making excuses for yourself which is something you tend to do when you're too afraid to admit the truth."
"Thanks for the input, Ted but I don't want to talk about it anymore." River scolds before rising off of the couch and ambling into the kitchen where he fixed himself a glass of water. He leaned his body against the counter as he chugged down the cold liquid.
River was furious—partially because what Teddy had said was true. He did tend to hide his emotions rather than talk about them, but that was only because he was afraid of admitting his truth and getting rejected. He'd endured so much pain in his life and meeting Ronnie was one of the things he was most grateful for. He couldn't imagine trying to continue on with his life if she was no longer apart of it.
"Go find her and tell her how you feel." Teddy objects, sauntering into the kitchen and propping himself against the counter next to River.
"I can't." River sighs softly, looking down at his fingers which he nervously fiddled with. It was much easier said than done; he wishes he could be courageous enough to tell her how he felt but it didn't matter anymore. It was too late, she'd already moved on to someone else like Teddy had said.
"So that's it? You're just gonna never tell her, move on with your life and accept the fact that you missed out on possibly the most perfect girl for you?" Teddy asked. He knew that he was probably coming off as too passive but he couldn't stand back and watch his friend plunder something good with a great girl simply because he was too afraid. Not this time.
This was always an occurrence with River, he would allow his reluctant doubts get the better of him. Teddy wasn't about to let this be a constant, not now especially since he could tell how much River actually cared about Ronnie. He never told him anything about any other girl before, never smiled so big that his eyes turned into crescent moons.
"Teddy—" the blond haired boy sighed, opening his mouth to interject.
"No. Don't do talk yourself out of having someone good just because you're scared. You won't ever know how she feels unless you ask her."
♡
It didn't take much convincing to know that Teddy was right and albeit he was scared out of his mind, River knew that he had to tell Ronnie the truth because it was killing him. The longer he harbored the secret around the more it ate at him. He was currently in his truck, driving down the dark streets heading in the direction of Ronnie's house.
His hands were sweaty and he felt his heart beating rapidly against his chest. The negative thoughts circulated around in his mind but he merely pushed them aside, attempting to keep his attention on the most important matter at hand.
Even if she didn't like him, he hoped that they would still remain friends—thought something deep in his gut tells him otherwise.
"You can do this." He repeated constantly, exhaling evened breaths and trying to sustain the ounce of courage he obtained. Pulling up to the gated community, he greets the security guard with a wavered smile trying not to acknowledge the monotone expression that marred his face.
"I'm here to see Veronica Drew."
The guard, without glancing up from the book he held in his hand stated with a bored tone. "Ms. Drew is out for the night." He sighs, flipping the page and skimming his eyes over the words.
"Oh. Um, do you know where she is or when she'll be back?" River ponders starting to grow nervous. The guard finally makes eye contact with River, he places the book face down onto his lap before leaning his face closer to the small window.
"This may come as a surprise to you but I don't keep up with where the residents go, just who comes in and out of these gates and since Ms. Drew is not home, you are not allowed to go through. Come back tomorrow."
River started to feel defeated. He couldn't wait another day to see Ronnie, he needed to see her now before his doubts get the best of him and he convinces himself out of telling her. He had to think quick, something that he could do to pry information out of this guy. Hurriedly digging through his pockets, he pulls out two crisp twenty dollar bills.
"Will this be enough for you to tell me where she is?" He asks, handing the money over to the security guard.
"$40." He deadpans, scoffing at River before raising his eyebrows. "Kid, my paycheck is more than this."
"Please, I—" River sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "That is all I've got. This is important I need to see Ronnie. If you know where she is can you please tell me?"
River didn't know whether it was because the guard felt pity for him or he could see how genuinely determined he was, either way River's pleads subjected to the guard reaching over to hand back River his money. "She went out with a friend. That Carmen girl. I'm not exactly sure where they are but usually they go to her house. It's about fifteen minutes from here."
River kindly thanked the man for his assistance and after getting directions, he put the truck in gear and drove down the long streets, determined to get the girl of his dreams.
