Letters to Yuzuru

"I'm in love with you"

Yuzuru's POV

I'm about to be called onto the ice for the 6-minute warmup any minute now. I'm really nervous and Tatsuki skated really good. He got a really high score and I need to skate near perfect to beat it. I've skated my short perfect ever since the GPF in December. But, yesterday, I had a really tough time landing my quad toe. I don't know why because I normally execute it really well. I'm just trying not to think about it since today is a new day.

"Final group to the rinkside for warmup"

I go up the stairs and wait by the rinkside with the other skaters. I squint and look to the rinkside expecting to see her, but she isn't there. That's when I start to worry.

"Umm... Where is.." I started to say in English to Brian and I couldn't finish the sentence, but he seemed to know what I was trying to ask.

"I'm not sure. Maybe she went to the bathroom" Brian says and I nod.

"Final group, please take the ice. Your warmup begins now" The announcers says and I feel Brian pat my back and I go onto the ice.

As I was warming up, I noticed she still hasn't came back. I pushed that out of my head and tried focusing on my jumps. I landed my quad toe and I felt good. As the warmup finished, I looked to where she should be sitting and she still wasn't there. Where was she? I went back downstairs to wait to be called to the ice. Why wasn't she here? She might be just in the bathroom for a long time. I mean, don't girls take a long time in the bathroom?

"Yuzuru Hanyu"

I go back up the steps and wait on the rinkside. I take off my guards and give them to Brian. I go on the ice and I skate around before I'm officially announced. I then turn my head to see that she still isn't here. Did I do something wrong? I really wanted her to be here. Maybe, she's just sitting higher up. She's here. She has to be. I skate back to Brian and I don't even say anything. But, it seems like he can detect my uneasiness and says to me,

"I know. I don't know where she is. I'm sorry. I know it'll will be hard, but try not to think about her"

"That's impossible" I think to myself

I nod and grab a tissue from Pooh. My name gets called and I shake my hand with Brian.

"You know what to do"

"Yup" I say and I crouch down and push myself off the wall. I keep looking to where she should be sitting, but her chair is empty. Even her mom isn't here. Did something happen to her? No, she's here. I know it. The music starts and I'm trying to focus on my quad that's up first, but I can't help but think about where she is. I set up for my quad toe.

She's here.

She has to be.

I jump.

She's not here.

She isn't.

The next thing I know, my body slams against the ice. I wince a bit in pain, but I quickly get up and rush into my spins. I'm cursing at myself for falling on that jump because I landed it so good in the warmup. I just can't focus knowing that my bestfriend, the girl that I love, isn't here. But, I think that she wouldn't want me to give up even after a fall. And so, I nail my triple axel and my triple-triple combination. I do my best on my choreography and I even remember her comment about smiling and trying to have fun. When I finish the routine, I'm so mad at myself, but I put on a fake smile to cover my anger and disappointment. I get my score and after the competition, I'm in 3rd place. I have definitely done worse, but I can't believe I fell. Why do I always screw up in my short program at Worlds? Hopefully, I can make up for it in my free. I always seem to skate well in my free at Worlds. Plus, I have to redeem myself for my bad skate at the Olympics. I really need her there on Friday. I swear, if she didn't come because she overslept or forgot, I will be really mad. I'm going straight to her hotel room to yell at her for not coming.