Letters to Yuzuru

"6 months"

Dear Yuzuru,

October 2, 2013

So, I just got back from my doctors appointment. I got some blood taken and the doctor gave me my approximate time I had left to live. At first, I didn't want to know because I mean, who wants to know when they die? Especially when I know it's soon. My mom was in the room with me. But I thought, I need to know when I should tell you truth about everything. The doctor told me around 6 months. 6 months. That's around 180 days or 4,320 hours or 259,200 minutes for me to live and tell you about my feelings. The minutes are counting down as I write this letter. The doctor said I may be able to live longer than that, but I know that also means that I can die before that. When the doctor told my mom how much time I had left, she bursted into tears. I hate making her cry. I hate making people worry so much about me. That's why I don't want to tell you about my cancer. I know you would try to take care of me instead of going to your competitions. I can't let you do that. You've been training so long for this season. I just need to watch you skate and win gold at the Olympics and Worlds. That's been your dream ever since I could remember to win both in the same season. I want to know if that promise you told me when we were kids could be actually true. If I would to bring it up and you didn't remember, that would be really awkward, but heartbreaking at the same time. I'm feeling a little better than I did last night. Well I'm about to head over to the airport and you keep texting me so I guess I should go. Love you xoxo

You put the paper in an envelope and write his name like you do with all your letters. You stick it in your drawer and you grab your keys and jacket. You kiss your mom goodbye and she looks like she's been crying. You don't say anything as you walk out the door. You drive to airport and you see David, Brian, Yuzuru and Javier. Brian wasn't going so David was going with Yuzuru. Javier was leaving tomorrow for the Japan Open. You walked over to them and hugged all of them.

"Hey" Yuzuru says and smiles

"Hey. You ready?" You ask him

He nods and says, "Yeah. I'll make sure I'll win for you"

All you could do was nod and smile. Then, David, Brian and Yuzuru went to the bathroom leaving you and Javier alone.

"Hey, how's everything?" Javier asks you

"I'm doing good. How about you?" You ask him

"I"m good. I'm really excited to go to Japan tomorrow. How's you and Yuzuru?"

Javier knows about your feelings for! Yuzuru. Like a good friend, he doesn't say anything to Yuzuru because he knows that you really want to keep it from him.

"We're okay. I mean, still bestfriends which is good"

"Have you ever thought about telling him how you feel?" He asks and looks around making sure Yuzuru isn't walking back

"Yeah. I just have to find the right time." You tell him

Javier doesn't know about your cancer. You also didn't want Javier to worry too much about you too. You weren't as close to Javi as you were with Yuzuru, but you both were good friends. Yuzuru, Brian and David returned and right when they came back you heard, "Flight 292 from Toronto to Espoo, Finland is now boarding"

"Well I guess it's time to go" David said as he grabbed his bags and hugged you and the others

"No matter what happens, I'll be proud of you. Just make a good first impression for this season" You tell Yuzuru as you hug him

"I promise I will. I'll land that salchow and win for my bestfriend." He says as he lets you go and then, heads towards the gate. He waves at you, Javier and Brian one last time before he turns around and walks away. Ever since you got cancer and he left for a international competition, you were always so afraid that the goodbye at the gate would be your last. Now that you know your approximate time to live and knowing that the cancer is spreading, you feel more emotional this time. You think, "What if this is the last time I'll see him?" and start to tear up. Javier turns his head to you and looks concerned.

"Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" He asks you

"Oh.. It's nothing. Don't worry about it." You say as you wipe away your tears

"I know he'll do good up there. Don't worry, you'll see him again soon" Javier says while patting your head

"Yeah.. if I don't die before he comes back." You thought as you, Brian and Javier left the airport

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Yuzuru won the Finlandia Trophy and landed his quad salchow. When you watched it, you cried tears of joy. When he won, you cried even harder. You talked to him that same night, he says, "I was thinking about you throughout the entire 2 programs. I knew I had to win for you". He comes back home and you're happy knowing that he's going to stay in Canada for a while for Skate Canada. You try to hang out with Yuzuru everyday. You didn't care anymore if you looked like crap. You had to make the most of your time left with him.

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Dear Yuzuru,

October 22, 2013

Skate Canda is coming up. You've been saying that you're really nervous for this event because even though you train in Canda, you know that everyone will be cheering for the Canadian skaters like Patrick. You're getting better on your quad salchow! Hopefully, you can land it in competiton again. I'm so happy that I'm going with you to New Brunswick. It'll be good to take a vacation and get out of this place and spend more time with you. I haven't seen you in competition live since last December at Nationals in Japan. So I can't wait to see these programs live for the first time in competition! I really love these programs, especially Romeo and Juliet. You always seem to put so much emotion and passion into it. I wonder if you're thinking of someone throughout the program... I remember David telling you that you should need to keep your head up and pretend like you're looking up at a balcony so you could see Juliet. Once David said that, you automatically looked at me and smiled. The way you smile at me gives me butterflies in my stomach. It makes my heart beat a mile a minute. Anyway, gotta pack for tomorrow. I'll see you soon. Love you xoxo

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Hi everyone! Sorry for not updating in a while. It's finals week and I'm so stressed so I didn't have time to write. But, I finally did. Sorry if this chapter is lame and I put two letters because I didn't know what else to write sorry. Anyway, give me feedback and suggestions! It helps me a lot (: