Maybe...Just Maybe!

Ch.4

i was at the cash counter at Wallmart.i picked a box of cereal from my trolley to keep it at the billing table when my phone buzzed.i took it out-'23 notifications on YouTube'

i rolled my eyes(and smiled at the same time) and proceeded to keep another item in front of the cashier lady(her badge said that her name was Kara) when again buzz.this time i ignored it.another item.another annoying notif alert.Kara kept staring at my ignorance and i just grinned back like an idiot (embarrassed and hoping to die on spot.)it got to such a limit that i finally cursed and slid my phone out.

"What the...."i stared at the screen-574 YouTube notifications

i went to settings and turned the notif off then sent two texts-one to my mother and one to Keith.

MOM

'got the grocery.will be a bit late-about 20 minutes or so.at square park.'11.59am

KEITH

  'I really owe you a lot.my phone as buzzed a million times.it is epic!thanks!thankyou!thankyou!thankyou!'

I then thanked Kara,picked my grocery and left for Square Park.

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"ONE-TWO-THREE I am coming!"i saw  three children playing in the park.i felt nostalgia filling in again.those days!i hated sleeping,i hated to be bored,i hated being a child and now those are the things i would give anything for.funny,isn't it?

when i was eight,i used to fantasize that being a teenager would mean being treated as the 'cool kid' or the one everyone look ups to,you have the best sleepovers and get to watch even PG 13 movies...but it just turned out to be more studies,no sleepovers,and a big stop to movies-no sleep and assignments to be completed at the haunted hour of three am.

i sat on the park bench,all by myself.took a deep breath and took my phone out.opened you tube and almost puked.i had a total of 1046 unread comments.it appears that people who came from Keith's tweet suggested the video to a few others and those few others suggested the video to another set of 'few others',soon the 'few others' got together to form a total of 10,398,033 views.i scrolled through all the comments and tried replying to all of them.it sounds easy-just scroll through praise for you and say something sweet.there were about a hundred comments which said the same thing in a different way and i had to find a way to reply the same thing in a hundred different ways.after about fifteen minutes(it felt like eternity) i shut my phone when buzz-(i was pretty sure i turned my YouTube notifs off!)

KEITH

'it did happen overnight after all,didnt it?!'12.37pm

'soo..when is the next video coming up Miss eleanor.

-your biggest fan'12.37pm

Something filled inside me,a fatal concoction of electricity and something i couldn't recognise.i felt like running home to create another video,right then.

and then i did it,ran just ran straight home.that one text had filled me with something they call hope.'

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I slid my physics book  on top of my psychology textbook(deadly combination!)

then put my study lamp as the back support.i then placed my phone on selfie mode on top my bio textbook which was on the psychology textbook.put on the karaoke music on from youtube for the song 'Jar of hearts by christina perri'and clicked record.

and then i sang.felt every note,every high every low.i loved the  feeling of my own voice surging through my soul lighting it up with hope of what lay ahead.i closed my eyes and imagined myself singing on a stage in front of millions of people waving the flashlights of their phones,knowing me for my voice.i then uploaded the video on you tube.this time my description was a bit different-

description:hey internet!thanks for all the support i received for my previous video.how much ever i say,i won't be able to thank you enough.above all i would like to thank Keith Summers for letting me know such amazing people as you.hope i did not dissappoint you with this cover.             Love                                                                                                                                                                                             Eleanor.

for the second time i clicked the upload button and saw the dots go in circles...

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"WHAT THE HADES!"

I said way too loudly.

Chem class was on and i had made the massive mistake of sliding my phone out to take a peek.the whole class was staring at me including miss Petsch,as though i was a hybrid species of a monkey and a deer which once extinct had come back to life.

"Miss parker,may i know the reason of this intrusion."

"i am extremely sorry.i was just unable to comprehend the equations on the board"

and then she did it.broke into a long explanation of every single equation on the board.(the class would hate me for this)i wasn't even listening.

the reason was not the fact that i did not understand the equations.that is the last thing someone would expect from a straight A student like me(not bragging!)

i had opened my phone,involuntarily opened YT to see-

56,485,004 views  276K likes 9 dislikes 

if any normal human being would see this on the third day of starting youtube he would faint(but since i am not normal i did not.)

the rest of the day,my mind was stuck only on the channel.every class,the teacher's words would just reflect off my ears.

for the next few weeks it went on like that.every book i opened,physically i appeared to be reading,but mentally all that raced in my mind was the comments,or which song i will cover next....my grades drooped drastically and by that i mean DRASTICALLY!

i got a D grade in science for the first time in my life,or in any subject for the matter.teachers called my mother to ask the cause of me losing my title of the class topper.that day i received a 30 minute lecture which again, reflected off my ears.

it is so weird,how reality strikes.it just hits when it's too late,when you are inside way too deep to ever be  brought out.it remains dormant when you are making the biggest mistakes of your life and then it just erupts straight to burn your heart and tear your mind with guilt.

it was another sleepless night when it stabbed me right where it hurts.my grades used to be the only thing that mattered to me and now even getting a D had failed to make me ashamed of myself.what hurt me was not the D on the report card but the fact that i had become so careless and aimless,reluctant and unaffected.i was overflowing with guilt-i had let down so many people i loved-my mother had to face shame,my teachers had lost the confidence and trust they once had in me.i had become so caught up in pleasing people who i had never even met that i had completely ditched those who really cared for me.I had lost me.for the first time,i felt myself,Mia Parker,being clawed at by Eleanor a part of me which was edited.that's it!i said to myself and opened my laptop. i HAD to delete the channel.

i reached the 'delete  channel' page.then a little voice in the back of my head would whisper-'Hey!what about all those likes and comments,for the first time you felt something bright,a little hope,and the world heard your voice+think how dissapointed Keith would be.'

for the rest of the night my head and my heart argued and my cursor hovered over the'delete channel' icon.

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