Dragon's Hoard : One Shots

#PokeDiet [Teen Comedy]

#DietMishaps

I try to push all my #DietMishaps out of my mind and turn to face Mom.

"Yeah?" I ask, bracing myself. One would think that after her last four #SummerDiets, Mom would be out of ideas. Yes, four. No, not three. I didn't lose count. There's just no way that I'm ever telling what happened the summer I was thirteen. It really puts the #RawFoodDiet in perspective.

#SummerVacationIsSoOver

I really don't want to try another diet. I've already tried the #NinjaDiet, the #ZumbaDiet, and the #YogaDiet. Not to mention dozens of not-so-lame diets that I've found online. None of them worked. Whatever this new one is, I already know it's doomed to fail.

I'm stuck at #280lbs, probably for the rest of my life. I've accepted it. I thought Mom had too.

Which is why I've finally let myself relax and really enjoy #SummerVacation. I guess I should have known better. My totally awesome, too-good-to-be-true summer is so over.

#PokemonGo

Mom, as always, remains oblivious to my rising pre-#DietAnnouncement panic.

"Have you heard of Pokémon Go?" she asks. "It's this new cell phone game practically everyone's—"

"I know what Pokémon Go is, Mom," I interrupt.

I started playing #PokemonGo with Lexi and a few of our other friends last Wednesday. There are a bunch of PokéStops downtown and we hit them up on the way to the library. No, we don't go there to study. I mean, are you kidding me? It's #SummerVacation!

The library is everyone's new hangout because it's go a #PokeStop and a #PokeGym. Though I often look for good books to read while I'm there.

#WeShouldPlay

So yeah, I've heard of #PokemonGo. Fingers crossed that Mom is only asking because she wants to know how to play.

"Well..." Mom looks so giddy she's practically bouncing on the bed, "you and I should play!"

It sounds innocent. Like she wants to "bond" or "hang out" like any other parent. Not my mom, though.

#DoWeHaveTo

"Do we have to?" I ask dejectedly.

I can just picture Mom, at #320lbs, in a dress and high heels, running down the street, chasing a Pikachu. Followed by me, at #280lbs, in sneakers, shorts, and a tee, fat bouncing as I chase after her, with the the entire cheer squad snickering on the sidelines. I cringe.    

#PokéDiet

"Oh, honey..." Mom gives me a sympathetic look.

It's the same look that she gave me after the #RawFoodDiet, and the #YogaDiet, and... I think I'm going to cry.

"It's going to be great," she tries to assure me. "We'll do so much walking, we'll burn off all of this extra fat." She takes a deep breath, sucks in her stomach, and examines it for a few seconds. "I call it..." She pauses dramatically for effect, "the #PokéDiet."

[I wrote this short story a few years ago, when everyone first started playing Pokemon Go]

◈ What did you think of this story? Did you like it? Hate it? I hope I didn't offend anyone!!!

◉ Do you like hashtags? Are you obsessed with hashtags? Do you hate them with a passion?

◈ Did you play Pokemon Go? Do you still play it?

◉ Have you ever tried to lose weight?