horribly beautiful ✔️

i hope i die like john lennon did

mother,

can i tell you a secret?

i don't sleep so well anymore;

i've gone back to using my left hand.
the one i broke last year.

my right hand is forever ruined,

wrapped in ruby tears and lilac bruises,
daffodil stem cuts;

i make it seem beautiful,
don't i? 

i broke my left hand
because i was so desperate to prove myself

i wanted to be the core musician
i didn't want to die like john lennon.

some bitter nights i still look you up,
although i know you

kept everything private.

even though
i was an undeniably sober child
i was still drunk on you.

you said i had skin of icelandic snow-
so cold,

if only you had known.

i will never warm up for you.

i wanted to reach down my throat
and clean up my rib cage

just so i could create a home in me for you;

i want to thank you for assembling me.

you are a golden curled angel

with a soft raspberry pink tongue and blackberry nails.

you will forever be the hollow in my bed

and my weak bones will never be enough to fill the dent.