Fansa

Prologue.

"Khadijah barged into the house trying to as much as possible, hide the eruptions, volcanic eruptions happening in her heart. She mumbled some greetings and went straight into her room. She pushed the door with so much anger that one will confuse the door for a rival. The door moved to the last point of its elasticity and like a fighter who willingly sold the fight,came back to where she stood. She grabbed the door and slammed it. She used the protruding part of  her heel to push the already closed door and nearly fell down. She flung her bag across the bed with no definite position in mind. She dropped down to the ground and sat fixated with perfect corectednes. She held her head in between her hands,allowing the tears come out. She couldn't care too much about how watery her nose was. Her breath was in sync with her heartbeat, going up as she breathed in and down as she breathed out. She stayed like this for a few minutes before her head came up in dramatic fashion. She stared at the building painted white like there was something to be discovered in looking. Her gaze was fixed at a spot. She could easily be mistaken for an effigy. She transported herself to few years before and could see how happy she was. She could see that clouds were very close to her sittings and were hers for the picking. She could see how clumsy she was whenever he came calling. She could see how she spent 3 hours behind the mirror just to get the perfect look .......for him. The "for him" part is something she doesn't like to share though. She belongs to those class of people who believe they do things not because of people but because they want those things done.

However,Amir's criticism or "under appreciation" of her looks was a starter kit for tonnes of sleepless nights. The " What-have-i-not-done", "how-should-i-do-this" and. "are-you-sure-he-isn't-looking-somewhere" starts to revolve in the atmosphere. She remembered how she introduced her friend,Nafisah to Amir. Amir wasn't even too pleased to meet her. He only put up a show because she wanted him to or at least so she thought. These thoughts flashed across the walls of the room and gives the feeling of one being psychoanalysed. She stood up and went to the wall where Amir's picture was- only her could see it. She used her hands to trace the perimeter, moving her head to the gyration of tears coming out her eyes. She started to beat it and spent the next 5 minutes doing that. Her hands ached so she stopped. She moved back in steps, her gaze still fixed on the "picture". She turned, holding her head and dropping her hands as quickly as she did and looked at the picture, saying:

" You! Amir! You! Amir! After all we've been through. After everything I've done for you! After being the pillow to you pains,the soothe that balmed your wounds, the fodder for your waist and the one you constantly told "soon!". After throwing babies away! I could've been a mum now! With a boy and a girl! I threw them away because you said you weren't ready! This is what you'll pay.......... ME with?"

She stressed the hell out of that "ME". She pointed at herself as she did that. She thought she deserved better and rightly so. She continued her tirade, taking to the picture on the wall.

".. you still found joy in another woman,didn't you? Oh,I could've plucked out your eyes when I has the chance! I should've drugged you and paid for a surgical operation where " the only image that'll focus on your Retina afterwards would be  mine". I should've locked your entire being and existence in a bottle of coke,drank all of it and pass it out in the toilet. That way,you'll know me and only me. I should've stabbed your left shoulder! You ungrateful son of an ugly swine! "

She was fuming. And swelling. Her chest was puffing. She was full of air and energy and moved to the rhythm played by it. It was very possible that her chest was talking,saying different things when compared to what her mouth was saying. That'll give a semblance of an explanation as to why it was that big. She continued.

"...and really? Amir? Really? You couldn't find another woman? You couldn't go far? Your " google" wasn't that strong? You chose Nafisha? My only friend? What is it that I lack and you saw in her? She isn't as pretty as I am. She looks like a pig with wig. ..."

She laughed. Hysterically excellent. Much to her surprise,it came from a place that knows hatred and hatred only. She clapped as she did,turning the different brands of evil she thinks will be fitting to such traitor.

" I should've saw this coming " she continued. She asked for your number. I remember forgetting to give her on numerous occasions. I remember how consistent she was. I should've sensed something. A dog goes to a place every day if it knows it'll get food. I should've sensed."

She sank into herself. She remembered how Nafisah  was excited the first day she saw Amir. She didn't know it'll be this bad. She remember how she lied when they met. She didn't attach too much importance to it but....

The ring Amir gave to her on the occasion of their 5 year anniversary as lovers adorned her middle finger. She looked at it piercingly and rubbed it  over. Her looks was intense. She proceeded to pressing the ring,forgetting the effect it'll have on her. She pressed the ring very hard with the hope that Amir,wherever he is, will feel it.

"Both of you..... You lie! You messed with the wrong person. What will the barking of a dog do to sleep of a tiger? Scare him? No,never! Yes,his sleep might be disturbed but who kills who ultimately? There's a reason why smoke is used to catch bush rat. The rat in its foolishness enters into a hole and thinks itself safe. All it takes is for a man to block the outlets with smoke and the rat comes scampering out for safety. You can't touch the tail of a crocodile and expect a " Hi" from him. I will make sure I destroy both of you. I'll make this earth too small for you. I'll close all doors of happiness, oh,I'll relish taking everything you've worked for. By the time I'm done, you'll be no different to a mad person. I'll own your senses and make you do what I want. You'll die with my name on your lips....begging, of course. "

She meant it. Having retired from devilry, going back should be easy. Those who know her in her devil days know better than to want to cross her. She changed but always felt she'll go back to it one day. She only needed a justification. Here, she done found one.  She laid down where she was and shed all the tears she could muster. After a while,she stood up to open a secret chamber in her cupboard. She brought out some white stuff and rolled a paper. She put this stuff on a table, using the paper to straighten the edge(s). She then placed the nozzle of the paper and dragged some into her nose. She did this again and used her hand to hit her head. She said "Kai" and plastered a smile on her face. Nothing else mattered. She laid down and drifted slowly into sleep..a sleep that should be an escape from reality but turned out to be the beginning of a story of vengeance, devilry,betrayal and reaping the sowed..."