What is High School?

Chapter One: Freshmen Year: The First Day Of School

I remember my first day of high school. I remember when my mom gave me a pep talk before I started, she made me feel like as soon as I walked into the school the seniors would eat me alive. It was the exact opposite actually. It was obvious that I was freshman, what with the terrified look on my face and the fact I was holding onto my binder for dear life and was shaking like crazy. I walked through the office and into the open area of the school. Now our school has a hill in the middle, some paths around it, and some buildings around that with large fields and sports fields behind them. Don't be fooled by my explaining, this was a small school. I walk to the left and in front of the library is where they are handing out freshmen schedules. I tell them my last name and get my schedule. I step to the side and look it over for a moment and then ask where my first period class is. I then walked there and sat down against one of the pillars in front of the door and read while I waited for the bell to ring. As soon as it did I stood up and waited a moment, waiting for people to go into the classroom first.

Once I went in I watched as people just took a seat anywhere. So I did the same. I remember shaking so bad, and trying to control how nervous I was. The day was a bit of a blur. I went from class to class praying I went to the correct one. I remember asking somewhere my third period was and I have a feeling they purposely gave me the wrong location, so I was embarrassed when the teacher had to inform me that I was in the wrong classroom, and even more embarrassed when I walked into the classroom I was supposed to be in and everyone could tell that I was a "dumb freshie" who went to the wrong class.

I quietly sat down in the back and kept my head down all period. I was alone most days, depressed. The first week people would come and go. They would come talk to me, then make up an excuse for why they had to leave and just never come back. I remember going home and just crawling into bed. I had moved from a normal town where I was comfortable in a diverse community, to a small country town in the middle of nowhere, where the norm is to ride around on your horse with its tale braided or your sputtering, broken down tractor tire. All day I sat in the corner, in the shadows, overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity. I had refused to cry at school but as soon as I took my nightly shower I balled. I remember feeling so alone.

I have always hated the feeling of being invisible, but I couldn't run from it in Waterford, because no one knew me. I was just coming in at ninth grade. While all the other freshmen were gathered in groups giggling over memories and squealing over the classes that they shared with their best friends.

I was invisible. I was also depressed. I left everything I ever knew to be where no one even bothered to acknowledge my existence. No one even bothered to think that maybe I was a nice person (which I wouldn't blame them for I am not a nice person).

I remember after school how I was walking away from the school, feeling like my heart was broken in half from the day that flew by, my mother met me at the front, and during this time when we were in a good place, she put an arm around me and asked me how my day went.

I felt a feeling of not wanting to disappoint her, a strong want to not let her know that the move she decided to make was causing me so much pain, so what did I do, you ask?

I smiled at my mother the best I could and said, "it was great. I went to the wrong class only once during the day" I laughed. She laughed with me, not knowing that I was hurting inside. I was barely thirteen, being thrown into an environment with people so much older then me.

Not only this but I was just barely discovering the person I was, because the title I had for myself, slowly started to not feel right. 

Word Count : 766