Beyond the Black Curtain

Chapter 25 - Overwhelmed

She waves a dismissive hand behind my head and breaks away from my hold to sit on the bed, one hand of hers not leaving mine. "Ah well, what can you do? He's in the past, what's important is what's happening here and now."

The strength and resilience in her voice awed me. Moments like this make me ask myself what I did in a past life to deserve such a tenaciously beautiful woman. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

Rae chuckles as she shook her head, obviously amused by my unintentional song reference.

"Have I told you how corny you're becoming? But yeah, you pretty much tell me every chance you get," she says the last part just barely in a whisper. "It's part of the reason why I desperately wanted your mother to like me."

"And what was the other reason?" I ask her as I pull us to sit in front of each other on the bed Indian-style. She intertwines both of our hands and rests them between us.

"When I told Josh about what happened with my ex, I realized that there are certain influences that I needed to allow in my life. My mom and I had been very close and I credit her and my dad for being the person I am now. Much as you've been my anchor and my life line, I knew I needed a mother's guidance even though I no longer have one. After talking with Georgeta and seeing so much of who you are in her, I realized I needed that steady figure in my own life."

Rae looked up from our entwined fingers to me, her eyes brimming with what I can only assume were happy tears. A solitary drop runs through her cheek, and I wipe it away with the pad of my thumb.

"Well, I'm glad you see it that way," I say to her. "I know Mom would be very happy to be that presence in your life."

The next couple of days were spent with me catching up with family I haven't seen in years. I made sure Rae was properly introduced to my aunts, uncles and cousins while also ensuring that she was comfortable mingling with them. I could tell there were still instances where she'd distance herself gradually until she's alone by the window or at the front porch gazing out into the distance, her thoughts keeping her preoccupied. I let her be, knowing her anxiety is still something that tends to come up once in a while.

Disappointingly though, she was only able to stay for a total of five days as she had to return to LA to oversee the final prep for the magazine launch that will coincide with the premiere of Ocean's 8. I knew the doctor advised I should stay put for two weeks, but there was no way I was missing my woman's big day. Thankfully, there weren't any issues with me traveling by plane just under a week after I was hospitalized.

Mom decided to throw us a big dinner the night before we were to fly back to the US. About two hours before my relatives arrived, I couldn't find Rae anywhere. Her cell was sitting on the nightstand, effectively telling me she needed the time alone. I still began panicking though, when I didn't find her anywhere in the house after half an hour.

"Is there something wrong, Sebastian?" Mom asked when she noticed me breeze by the backdoor in the kitchen to go out.

I shake my head a little too vigorously than normal, I swore the room spun a bit. "Be back in a bit," I say hurriedly as I got out the door.

I had to calm myself a little bit before I made a plan to find Rae. She couldn't be too far from the house, I thought to myself. In the short time that we've been together, this would be the first time she'd ventured out alone without telling me. Trying to remember generic spots she may go to, I walked in the direction of a nearby lake that I used to frequent when I was a kid with my cousins. It was a good place to be alone, as it had become my spot every time I come here for a vacation.

It was a grassy path to the lake and I felt somewhat relieved there were footprints on the grass, telling me that someone had just recently walked the trail. My instincts were correct, as soon as I got to the clearing, Rae was by the lake seated on a big rock. Her back was to me and I stopped for a moment to admire her from where I was standing. The sun was just setting in the horizon, bathing everything in kaleidoscopic shades of yellow, amber and gold as reflected in the clear, calm water. Rae's hair fell in soft waves around her that ran just below her shoulders, a perfect contrast to the shades of sunlight covering her. I could tell she was hugging her knees to her chest by the way her head hung low. She took a deep breath, her shoulders heaving as she let it out. I carefully made my way beside her, thankful that she wasn't startled by my presence.

"Hey you," I say softly. "What a view huh?"

Rae only nods and sniffles. I couldn't quite make out her face as it was partially covered by her hair. I reach out and tuck a lock of it behind her ear. Her eyes were bloodshot, making it very obvious she'd been crying for sometime already. My heart broke for her and felt guilty that I might have pushed her too hard. I may not be understanding of the fact about how hard all of this must be for her.

She nods after a few seconds after yet another sniffle. I make no attempt to reach for her even though my arms and my hands are aching to do so.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask instead.

Her eyes move up to look at the now dusky sky, the fading day now morphing into the evening. She seems pensive, reflective. I let her take her time to respond.

"It's the anniversary of the day I got adopted," Rae finally says and I felt the wind get knocked out of me. I didn't even bother asking her this despite the knowledge that she was adopted.

"I miss them so much, Seb," she spoke again, this time her voice breaking. "Seeing how close you are to your mother, to your cousins, I miss feeling that way. I know you mean well, but being here...it's just overwhelming me a little."

"I'm so sorry," I say sadly and this time I reach out for her hand. "I feel like an idiot, thinking you're going to be 100% in all of this...are you mad at me?"

Rae looks at her hand in mine and then back up to my face. A sad smile touches her features as she kisses my knuckle.

"About this? Of course not. If there's anyone who's supposed to be infuriated it should be you, at me. I'm surprised you've been so patient with me about all this for as long as you have," she says.

My eyes widen at her response. I now understood why she needed to be alone. She thought I was getting impatient with her when I was giving her space.

"Rae," I say firmly. "When I asked you if you wanted to be with me, I knew I had to take in all of you, flaws, fucked up past and whatever else it was you had. Why do you think I asked you to stay with me instead of taking up the accommodation offered to you by the magazine? When I told you I loved you, I meant ALL of you, even those parts of you I have yet to discover, like this side of you now. Running out of patience is something I'm probably never going to experience because I knew what I signed up for when I realized I was falling for you."

She tried to respond, but I cut her off before she could say something self-deprecating again.

"Listen, you will never, ever be a disappointment to me, not now, not ever. Our life together will never be perfect, as it should be, but don't you ever dare think even just for a second that you don't deserve all the happiness the world has to offer."

"Okay," she says quietly. "I love you so much."

I scoop her in my arms and kiss her crown. "And I love you just as much, baby girl. Don't ever forget that."