Oh Honey,
Guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brian messaged me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fina-fucking-ly!!! Am i right???!!!!?!
Okay! Context!!
I woke up this morning with a stomach ache. I felt as though i had a baby in me trying to come out of my asshole. All in all, it was very gross. So i woke up in this uncomfortable state and ran to the bathroom. Of course, I would never go to the toilet in this condition without my phone. What do you even do on the toilet without your phone? I would never. So i grabbed it and ran.
My phone had been on aeroplane mode the whole night to keep my battery up and avoid any disturbance. So, as i sat on the toilet, i turned on my phone and switched aeroplane mode off. All my messages and missed calls came flooding in. I could hardly catch any specific people, 100 messages from different group chats pinged up on my screen and about 4 different missed calls alongside instagram and twitter notifications. Hey, what can i say? I'm popular.
Have you ever done this before? While you notice something you subconsciously get rid of it because it was what you were going to do before you noticed it? Does that make sense?
Imagine this; you're scrolling through someone's instagram trying to find a post from 4 years ago. You've been scrolling for ages. You've given up. You're about to tap the top of the screen to go back to the top of the page just as you spot the post you were looking for. But you're too late. This is what happened to me this morning. Just as i presses my thumb against the button to unlock it, i see a name on my phone that i hadn't seen in a long while.
Brian.
Were my eyes messing with me? Was i hallucinating on the toilet? What was going on? Almost dislocating my thumb, I went to my messages and searched for Brian's name. Lo and behold... he messaged me. I stared at his name in bold on my screen for a few minutes with a large smile plastered on my face. Was this real? What could he have said? Has he forgiven me? When did he message me? How do i reply?
I then realised that the answer to all these questions would only come after i opened the message. So i did. I slowly tapped on his name and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath before opening them again. The last message we had sent was on May 2nd. Longer than a month ago.
3:42am Brian💍 : Hey, Brian. It's me. Brian. I mean, i'm guessing you know that. Unless you've deleted my number. Have you? Ok that's really irrelevant. I was just thinking about you and i realised how much we really need to talk. We need to sort this out. This is stupid. It's really petty. Ok, not that petty. I think i deserved to be angry at you. But maybe we should talk. I miss you. A lot. Call me. Or text me. You know, whenever you see this.
4:18 Brian💍: Hey. It's me again. Are you awake by any chance? Still asleep? I just really want to talk to you. Okay. Call me when you see this. Or text me. Whichever suits you.
Fuck. I sorted myself out and rushed out of the bathroom. It didn't feel right reconciling with Brian while i was on the toilet. Felt kinda gross.
I took a deep breath. Brian's name wasn't in my recent call history. It would've taken too long to even scroll and look for him. I went to my contacts and searched for his name. Brian with a ring emoji. As my thumb hovered over it, i thought about what he was going to say. What i was going to say. Would it be awkward? Would we talk about it, reconcile and go back to the way we were? Or we could reconcile and drift apart with an awkward civil thing between us? Then i remembered. There's only one way to find out.
I quickly tapped on his name. Very quickly. So quickly I couldn't even think about what i was doing. But i knew i was doing it because the ringing sound boomed in my ear. Shit.
It was so soon. His voice came so quick. "Hello?" It was groggy. It was thick. He hasn't just woken up, but he was tired. He seemed aware, but still gone. Unaware. I couldn't explain it if i tried.
"Hi." I said.
"Oh my god," He breathed out loud. "Brian. Hey." He cleared his throat. "I was just with someone. Sorry."
I furrowed my eyebrows even though he couldn't see me, of course. "With someone? Like a guy?"
"Yes." He didn't hesitate. He said it like it was.
It was an awkward silence for a few moments. I heard muffled sounds and voices in the background and waited. I was biting my tongue and very confused. It all felt sort of off. I was so excited but at this point i just felt like something was up.
"Hey. I've got to make this quick. Do you think you could come to my house in about 3 hours? We can talk about everything then." And before i could reply, he was gone.
Love, Trixie
