Oh Honey,
Since discovering that I had a... erm... 'crush', on my bestest friend, who sees me as a brother, I have decided that i need to come up with ideas to make it go away. Because it's genuinely just fucking gross. So i'm going to list all the possible things i can do:
1) Ignore him. Not answer his calls or texts or meet with him in person unless work related.
2) Be super douchey to him so he will be a dick back. This will make me see his bad side and stop crushing on him.
3) Tell him about Tyler. He'll for sure get mad at me which will, again, turn me off.
4) Think about his flaws. (Although this one seems hard because he's so perfect:(((( ok that's gross but i need help Honey!!£
5) Try not to talk or think about him.
None of these seem easy or fun to do. They all seemed depressing and/or impossible. I couldn't list everything i didn't like about Brian.
Wait.
Maybe i could do a pro/con list? I mean, that's a way of listing his flaws while i balance them with super great amazing things about Brian, who i really really like. Fuck. This is getting bad, Honey. I used the world 'really' twice in one sentence.
Pros:
1) He's beautiful. As Brian and as Katya. He is an absolute gorgeous person inside and out.
2) He understands me more than anyone.
3) He can basically hear my thoughts. He looks at me and knows what i'm thinking.
4) He listens to my problems.
5) He comes up with solutions to my problems.
Okay so that was super fucking easy to do. I didn't even have to think for a second; that list just flew out of my ass.
Now, i really don't want to do this but for the greater good and to get over him I'm now going to list his cons.
Cons:
Okay before I start i want to make clear that i am not happy with doing this but to make both myself and Brian happy, i need to try and get over him and i think this will really help.
1) I guess he's kinda needy.
2) He loves to talk about himself (? i hate this)
3) He takes up all the space in bed.
4) He doesn't love me.
5) He loves Tyler.
That list was just depressing. He doesn't love me. He's madly in love with Tyler.
When they first started going out, all Brian could talk about was there relationship. Sure it was cute but also kinda annoying. I mean, i was single and alone but my best friend was loving it up with someone freakishly hot producer guy. Yes, I was jealous. Yes, i still am jealous. I hate being jealous. It makes me feel fucking gross.
Going back to the lists; i don't want to ignore Brian. I don't even think i could if i tried. Maybe i could avoid seeing him for a while but i mean he's texting me right now!! Like honestly, Honey, while i'm writing in you this second i can also see my phone light up with Brian's name on the screen.
Here's what he's saying. I might as-well show you. (I don't think i'll be getting over this crush anytime soon. Fuck.)
Brian🤮💍 : Hey. Haven't seen you in a while.
Brian🤮💍 : Really though, it's been a week. Miss you!
Brian🤮💍 : What are you doing?
I would answer. I would answer and say i wasn't doing anything and i'd tell him to come to my house so we could chill and be friends. Because that's what we were. We were friends. But instead, i ignored him. Because that was the first thing on my list. My first way to get over him. I should ignore him.
So I turned my phone over and stared at for 10 long minutes before i started writing in you again.
Imagine i didn't have you, Honey. I would never know how to vent or how to word all my feelings.
Although, i had got you to just talk about my days and my feelings towards Tyler. But now you've turned into a diary-written mission to get over Brian. I don't really want to turn you into some sort of heist but i guess it's too late.
My phone buzzed again. I sighed as i turned it over to read the new message. I had given in.
Brian🤮💍: Hey! Don't worry! I'm with Tyler now! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh no. I understood that text to mean something else. Fuck. This could not have been happening right now. How could it had happened? He messaged me only minutes ago and he was absolutely normal and fine.
Maybe i was overreacting; right? Maybe it isn't what i think it is.
My phone buzzed again.
Brian🤮💍: I'm in such a good mood ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah
Brian🤮💍: ugh Tyler is the best. Love him.
Hm. Was i exaggerating? I never know. I hoped not.
I called Tyler. I wasn't going to call Brian because when he was in this state. And I also couldn't call him because of my set of rules, of course.
It rang for a while.
"Hello? Brian? Thank god! Brian, he -"
"-I know. Just sit him down and give him water. I have some of his meds in my room, i'll bring them over."
"Thanks. Hurry please, i'm scared he'll turn-"
"-I know. I'm coming."
I'll fill you in on the rest, Honey. I really have to go help Tyler with Brian.
Love, Trixie
