AUTHENTIC

seven

Courtney

I had sent Jackson over to a friend's house in anticipation of Noah's return.

"Please just let me explain," He'd begged over the phone. I had sighed and allowed him to come over tonight just to hear what he had to say. I guess he thought we could try talking it out.

Something buried down in me really wants to be able to push forward. Even if I don't want to admit it, I need him. Not only that, Jack needs him.

I move aimlessly about the living room while I wait for him to show up, tidying things over and over again. I just need something to do with my hands. I slip the extra hair tie I have off my wrist and roll it in my fingers.

The bell rings and I rush towards the door and open it too quickly.

But as soon as I see him I remember, and all I can imagine is his hands on someone else's skin.

I shake the thought away and clear my throat. "Hi," I greet him, trying my best to sound uninterested.

"Hey, Courtney." He rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably. I catch a glimpse of a few bruise-looking marks on his neck that make me suddenly feel queasy as I realize what they are.

I swallow back my naseua and let him inside, and we sit on opposite ends of the couch in the living room.

He sits on the couch with his legs crossed to face me. He takes a deep, steadying breath and his eyes meet mine. "I will tell you anything you want to know," He tells me.

"How long?" The words fly out before I even think it through. I'm suddenly not sure if I want to know.

He looks apprehensive, but admits to what I ask. "Since you started working again.."

I had quit the old job I had a few months before I had Jackson. I was one of those stay-at-home-moms for a while, until two years ago, sometime after Jack turned four. I had started working in a department store, and was so glad to finally be out of the house.

I guess I wouldn't have been happy to know my husband was going behind my back at the very same time.

I try to carefully craft another question without acting blindly again, but I toss one around in my head for a while before finally asking.

"Why?"

"Because... You were so busy all the time and I barely got to see you because of our work hours. I needed someone-"

"Needed someone? What is that supposed to mean?" I snap at him.

"I needed you, but I couldn't have you, so I filled the space," He attempts explaining. I shake my head in disgust. "But it was wrong, Courtney, I know-"

"Damn right it's wrong," I agree and cross my arms.

"Babe, I really do think with some determination and openness we can work through this-"

"You think I can trust you again just like that?" I scoff. "My respect is not restored overnight."

"I know, but-"

"No buts," I cut him off. "No nothing. No more. I want a divorce," I claim boldly, heat rising in my chest.

His eyes widen at my statement. "What? No, we can fix this, I promise-"

"I can't count on any more of your promises. I'm confident in my decision." I shove away the rage building up again. The last thing I need is blow up and provoke him. He presses his hands over his face as he processes what I've said.

"This is because of him, isn't it?" He asks and drops his hands so he can stare directly at me. "This is because of Ross, isn't it?" His stare is accusing and colder than I've ever experienced from him.

"He has nothing to do with this!" I roll my eyes at his need to reach for excuses and others to blame this on.

"No! Of course it does! You can't just be friends with your ex-"

"I am friends with him," I interrupt, raising my own voice so he has to listen. "He's my best friend. And you can't blame my best friend for your lack of loyalty. Get out." I stand and point to the door.

He looks up at me in angered disbelief while I wait for him to leave.

"You heard me. Go!"

He gets up slowly and stalks past me to the door. He slams it on his way out and I glare at where he had been standing.

I can't believe him.

***

As I drive Jack home from his friend's I keep checking on him in the mirror.

"How are you doing back there, bud?"

"Good," He answers. "Where's dad?"

He's been asking that every day since I kicked Noah out.

"Business trip. He'll back soon, ok?"

"Fine," He sighs and turns his head to look out the window.

God, it's going to be so hard to tell him..