Gone

Chapter 6.

I'm going to try and start updating more often but I have a very 'busy' life.

Just incase you haven't gathered, usually when the writing is in bold it's the voice inside his head talking. Unless it's obvious that someone like Louis is speaking and he's just exaggerating the words then it's usually the voice.

 DEDICATION GOES TO LARRYFOREVER172

Her comment literally bought me to tears. I thought this story would just be lost in the sea of  anonymously, unknown stories on Wattpad and your comment gave me so much encouragement. I want to apolagise, especailly to you, for my delayed updates. The A/N at the end explains why.

Once again, thank you so much lovely. I love you x

Harry's POV:

I said it. We give up. It seems to be the only reasonable solution at this moment in time. I have no effort to try and keep holding on to something which is no longer there. It's like a spec of dust which has finally been cleaned. Everything we ever had is gone. He's still searching for a reason to stay and try to make some reason of my existence but he and I both know it's not there.

Of course it's not there. Don't be so stupid. You have no reason to be here anymore. End it Harry, end it.

I start to shake. It's right. It's always been right. I have no reason to be here. I'm holding on to hope which doesn't even exist.

"So what? You're saying you don't even care anymore?" Louis screeches. He's still here? Oh.

"I stopped caring a while ago. What's the point in caring when no one's there to return the favour?" I ask, finally realising I am emotionally drained. I don't care anymore. I don't care.

"Stop doing this! Stop blocking everyone out when you know you need someone. The only reason you think there's no one to return the favour is because you don't open your eyes enough to see that everyone is worried. Everyone cares for you. Not just us people who are close to you, the fans care for Harry Styles, the guy who saved their lives. You hear that? You saved them, Harry. You're not pointless." he pleads.

lies, lies, lies.

It's all lies, Harry. Don't be so pathetic to believe him, you waste.

I let out a humorous laugh. Not directed at Louis, but at myself.

I laugh at myself because I've allowed myself to sink so low. So low to the point where all I desire is to end my life. I laugh because I let myself fall in love. I laugh because I am now controlled by a voice in my head and no one else can hear. 

I laugh, mocking myself. 

"Louis, there is nothing left which I can do to fix this." I sigh. 

"Well then what can I do to fix this? I can still bloody try!" Louis growls. He really wants to help me, too bad I'm already gone.

"Where did I go wrong?!" he finally screams. 

At this point I can see the stress, anger, and annoyance Louis has been holding in. He's finally letting it out.

"Louis, darling, you are not the one who went wrong. I, on the other hand, need to do something to give me closure. This thing would be considered disgusting, therefore there is no way to resolve it," I try to comply.

"Well, whatever it is you feel like you need to do, do it. Hell, take it out on me if you want. I just really want you back, Harry." he mumbles.

"Really? You'd let me do anything? No Louis, you wouldn't" I growl. He's frustrating me to the point where I want to scream. Why can't he just leave me alone? He doesn't fucking care, anyway.

"I'd do anything to make you feel better." Louis complies. Although it's not a truthful statement I cannot resist the urge overtaking my body. It's like there's a predator crawling through my body, it's eyes focused on it's prey, now all that remains is to pounce.

"If you insist Louis, you're going to hate me." I warn him.

"Nothing could make me hate you, Harry." he smiles, oh if only he knew.

I shuffle closer to him and whisper "next time think before you speak, and think of the possibilities Louis. Think of the outcomes." and with that I gently cup his face, his godly shaped, angelic face and slowly bought his lips to mine. Closing the gap, our lips connected.

I didn't want to force him into anything but he did also bring this upon himself. He said I could do anything. 

I slowly nudge his lips with mine. They feel so full yet thin. They feel amazing. After a few seconds of him not responding I suddenly feel a slight movement.

Faggot. You faggot. He's going to think you're a faggot!

I try and push the voice to the back of my head. He's kissing back, he wouldn't think I'm a faggot?

The word makes me sigh. I don't see why we should be labelled for doing just the same as everyone else and falling in love, yet just because they're the same sex we're judged? The word, faggot, alone makes me sick in my stomach.

After a minute or so of kissing- and Louis responding by kissing back- we finally pull away.

I can't ignore the feeling in my stomach. It's like there's a swarm of butterflies, all of them raving as I just did one of my biggest fantasies, but slowly- yet quickly- they're being killed by a feeling of regret and misfortune. I don't regret the kiss. He kissed back! What about Eleanor?

The worried feeling grows and grows, slowly overtaking my happiness provided from the kiss.

l look up at Louis, hoping for him to confirm that my horrid feelings are stupid and this kiss could actually lead to something but when I look up his face is covered in the look of pure disgust. His fingers are grazing his lips, almost as if to confirm he did in fact kiss me back.

Faggot! I told you you were a faggot.

I shake my head at the voice. He just kissed me! Why does he look so upset?

Because he kissed you, faggot. Not Eleanor, not even a girl. It was you, Harry Styles whom is a boy.

I shake my head even more.

Faggot.

"Louis?" I question.

Faggot.

"Louis, say something.." I plead, the horrid feeling coming back, It's almost like there's a rope wrapped around my heart. It started off loose but as the kiss came to an end every second which passed the rope got tighter and tighter. At this moment in time it feels as though the good voice and the bad voice are playing tug-of-war. Each side desperately tugging in hope of victory.

Faggot.

"Louis?" I shake him slightly but he was quick to retreat, almost as if I was a disease.

You are a disease. Faggot.

"Louis please? Are you okay?" I question. He's been quiet for too long.

f a g g o t

"You..you..faggot!" he whispers before sprinting out of my home, taking the remaining pieces of my heart with him.

Like I said, sorry for the long pause between updates. Wattpad keeps on messing up, as does my laptop. This is the sixth time I've wrote this chapter, no exaggeration.

Anyway, please remember to vote, comment and follow. All feedback is appreaciated, especially tips to improve.

Thankyou my darlings, I love you all so much x

                                                      -Anna