Skinny feels and Diet Pills

anna_entry_2.mp3

Beep beeep beeeepppp...

Crap my computer is lagging

Um, yea.

Today is I think the 30th wait no, 31st.

Of may yeah

My therapist, don't judge, my parents are making me go, suggested I start doing recordings more often just to capture my thoughts for the day.

So um thoughts for today. Yeah um here, I wrote them down at school.

*Shuffling of paper*

Oh yeah here it is (hrm hrm)

I want to die. I mean how could I not want to die right. I'm such a fatass. Letting myself loose like this. Oh well, guess I've got myself a new safe food though. Hot chocolate. I know I know. Its high in cal and sugar but goddamn do I need it. Plus with all the exercise I've been doing, I might have fainted if not the sugary delight.

I feel really bad and guilty for consuming it. I heard my sister purge last night, she was such a loud fat ass that I could hear it across the entire house. It made me want to crawl out of my disgusting skin and join her in her little bathroom fun time. I spent today's school lunch purging hot chocolate. I'm quite new at this so I can never get it all out but I would say a good 30% which makes me feel a little better since when I am eating less, I am getting smaller. And when I am getting smaller means I am taking up less space. Meaning I won't be such a bother to everyone I know.

In other news, I am setting myself a fast challenge tomorrow. Every calorie counts. And I am not letting myself use a single penny. Honestly, it's time to start saving up. Tomorrow's food log will go a little like this

Breakfast:
Diet Coke

Snack:

Mini diet coke

Lunch:

Diet Coke

Dinner:

Tea

Half a persimmon (If I feel light headed)

I will try my best to stick to it. Also starting from now on I am going to be less easy and loose on counting liquid calories. I mean this level of laziness cannot be tolerated. If my mother ever found out how lazy I am I would be branded a disappointment. I can't be a disappointment in my studies so why should I be a disappointment in my diet?

I apologise for last recordings mental breakdown. Let's just...to put it breathy, my scales got taken away. So I wasn't having the best day of my life. Either way, I need to go study so goodbye!

....click..