Walls

Chapter 4 - Broken

Sarah

I knew my face echoed the expectant look that was etched into Peter's features as we sat at the breakfast island opposite our mother. All three of our guests had gone to bed early saying they were tired, so it was explanation time.

"Well" she took a deep breath. "Ray, Summer and Matthew are staying here because Anna and Henry were in a car accident earlier today" I gasped, "Anna sustained serious injuries but is stable. Henry's injuries, however, are much worse and his coma is being classed as critical."

Peter frowned at mum's business-like tone, shaking his head in disapproval. He never understands that when talking about anything that upsets her, mum has to use that tone to be able say what she needs to without breaking down on us. But that's boys for you.

"Do they know what happened?" Peter asked. Mum shook her head as a single tear dripped down her cheek.

"The other driver was killed instantly".

"Coma? Killed?" I repeated, the weight of the news settling on me.

She simply nodded.

I wasn't close to either Henry or Anna but I knew that they were good people. They didn't deserve this. No one deserved this.

I thought of the three sleeping above us.

"Poor guys" I whispered to myself.

I felt autopilot switch on as I slowly got off my stool and moved to hug my mother. I could feel her trembling as she rested her head on my shoulder. I wanted to say something but I knew that there were no words for this. She was a nurse, she knew all the probabilities and the risks of the surgeries that both her friends would have to have.

And she was afraid.

I looked up to see Peter sat frozen, his fearful eyes slowly met mine. I watched his brows crease into a frown before he spoke up softly, "Mum, um....have...have you told dad yet?" My eyes widened at the thought. How would dad take this? Henry was his best friend...

"Yes, I-I called h-him when I g-got home" I squeezed mum tighter knowing that the emotion was getting to much for her to shut out.

Feeling my own tears surfacing, I sat and listened to my mother cry on my shoulder. The pain surrounding me was almost tangible, I thought of my parents; of Summer; of Mat; of Ray, who was hurting, no matter what tough guy mask he had on. And lastly of Anna and Henry themselves, they must be in hell right now, worrying about their children, worrying about each other. Wanting to be there, to comfort the other, but unable to do so.

That.......that would be my personal hell.

....................

Ray

I rolled over again, I couldn't sleep like this. Not with the annoying twits in the same room. I was half tempted to push Mat off the edge of the bed. His snivelling was keeping me awake. I could hear voices drifting up the stairs too, that was comforting. NOT! I wasn't a complete idiot, I knew that they'd be talking about us, about the accident.

I felt so lost here. Why didn't they let me stay at home? In my own room? Where I could at least be miserable by myself and no one could watch me. I just feel......broken. I've felt like this since mum, and now I feel ready to shatter into even more tiny pieces at the slightest touch.

But I won't do it anywhere they can see me. No way in hell!

They'd use that weakness against me. That's just what people do.

I groaned as Mat began sobbing loudly again, I can't do this. Sitting up quickly I sorted through my options, I couldn't go home, it was the middle of the night. Suddenly I was on my feet, moving across the room, out the door and to the only room I had found with a lock: the bathroom. A bit weird but I was really beyond caring at that moment.

As soon as the door was locked my walls started crumbling, I slid my back down the wooden surface as the tears came. I can't believe this is happening again, it is true - even god hates me!

I brought my knees to my chest as I sobbed. Forehead resting on them, arms wrapped around me, I sat there rocking back and forth for what felt like hours.

I was there to hear the husband come home, he worked with my Dad, I think. I was there until there were no more tears to cry. Wiping my eyes I realised why the ache had got so much worse since I stepped foot in this wretched house. These people's actions, especially Sarah's, they reminded me of my mum.

I wanted my mother.

That is what they have done to me! I'm sat here crying, locked in a bathroom, and now have this desperate need to see my mother. I feel like such a girl! I feel weak, vulnerable. I need to get out of here.

I don't understand how they have managed to fracture my walls like this, no one has done that in years. In nine years! And I don't fucking like it. I need my walls, my defences, they keep me safe.

How are they doing this to me?

 I stayed there a little longer before taking a deep breath, wiping a stray tear off my face and remoulding my expression into a scowl. Slowly I turned the door handle, opening it and stepping out into the hall only when I was satisfied that there was no one there to see me or ask unwanted questions.

Still, as I tiptoed back to my "room" I felt eyes on my back, but it was probably just paranoia. If someone was there then they must move utterly silently. Anyway, they didn't try to speak to me as I blatantly ignored them, if they were there. Which they weren't.

I think.