Loving Her Ways

Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Fake

After that day, I started to live in delusions, as if nothing happened–as if I never knew the truth about me. I've always tried to forget that dark and tainted part of me, but for some reason, I couldn't be happy. The weight of reality became unbearable, and my mind sought refuge in a realm of make-believe. I tried to convince myself every day that I still belonged to the family that helped me, but my soul knew nothing could ever fill its space inside me.

With a trembling smile etched upon my lips, I pretended that all was well, displaying an illusion so convincing that no one dared question its authenticity.

"Carthage! Kanina ka pa namin hinihintay, tara na sa gym!"

Napataas ang dalawa kong kilay sa narinig. "Sa covered court tayo? Akala ko sa music room?"

My teammate shrugged with a hesitant smile. "Binago ni Ma'am Rañez."

I sighed. Alam kong Physical Education class ngayon ng section ni Mia. Hindi ko maalala kung nasabi ko ba sa kanyang sa gym rin kami mage-ensayo dahil masyadong occupied ang utak ko kanina sa pagmamadaling ayusan ang sarili.

"Where's Ma'am?"

Saglit akong nilingon ng teammate. "Nasa faculty, bakit? Are you going to talk with her?"

"Oo, makikiusap ako kung pwede bang sa Music Room na lang. Kukunin ko na rin ang speakers doon if ever na sa gym nga tayo."

I decided to take the chance and walked my way to the faculty. Hindi kalayuan iyon sa pinanggalingan ko pero sobrang init na sa daan. Kahit pa init na init na ako sa paglalakad, kinailangan ko pa ring ngumiti at bumati pabalik sa mga nakasasalubong na kilala ako. Some of them tried to strike a conversation, but I was already in a hurry. I am used to this kind of social life everyday, but it gets tiring the more it continues.

My shoulders lazily dropped when I got to the MAPEH Department. I realized Ma'am wasn't there. I asked one of the teachers inside if she knew my teacher's whereabouts, and she guessed Ma'am might be in the clinic.

Hindi ko pinahalata ang disgusto sa aking mukha–sobrang layo ng clinic mula rito! Kahit nawawalan na ako ng ganang maglakad muli, tinahak ko ang initan para kay Mia. Parang tanga lang, 'no? Everyone on campus knows me as Mia's cousin, but the truth is I am her half-sister. Since I couldn't accept I wasn't a legitimate child, I made it clear to her that we weren't alike. In most situations, I'd bully her to satisfy my pride. Then, by the end of the day, I'd be either guilty, like I was now, or regretful. Hindi si Mia ang tanging biktima ng masama kong ugali–marami sila–dahil ayaw kong nasasapawan ng kahit sino.

"Ma'am? Excuse me," I called our teacher when I entered the clinic.

"Yes, Carthage? Hindi pa ba kayo nagsisimula? Pinakuha ko na kanina ang speakers," she asked.

"Hindi pa po. I'm here to ask if p'wede po bang sa Music Room na lang kami mag-practice? I mean, the gym is big, but maraming gumagamit so we might get distracted or kami pa ang makaabala sa ibang naroroon," I politely asked.

Ma'am sat down on a black swivel chair. "Sarado pa ang Music Room. Wala pa si Sir Enriquez para i-open ito kaya sa gym muna kayo. We can't ditch another practice, alam mo 'yan. Hindi kayo makakaabala kung seryoso kayo, 'di ba? Hindi rin kayo magpapa-distract kung disiplinado kayo."

Fine–defeated, Serin. Gustuhin ko mang ipilit na sa ibang lugar na kami mag-practice, mukhang hindi na papayag si Ma'am sa tono ng kanyang boses.

"I understand, Ma'am. Magsisimula na po kami."

"I'll be there, ha! Make sure na may mapa-praktis kayo at walang landiang magaganap. I heard, the basketball team is training too today."

What? My God! Mahihirapan akong disiplinahin ang iba kong mga kasama kung kasama namin sa iisang lugar ang basketball team. My teammates are fond of the players, but who am I kidding? Everyone knows I'm in a relationship with one of them. I lazily opened the heavy doors of the gym, and the noises became audible as I entered. My eyes wandered around, looking for Mia's section to confirm if they'd be here today with us all.