Killing Stalking Fanfiction

Distraction

"Can we talk about it?" I blinked and twisted towards him, throat seemingly swelling.

"About what?" I choked.

"That little girl we saw," I relaxed a bit, thinking he was bringing up something else.

"Of course."

He sighed and fell at the window, "she had no eyes, Seungbae. And you act like it never happened." 

He's right. I pretend I don't see the things I see, all the gore, I erase it from my mind unless I'm at work. That's where it's meant to be. "It's work. We signed up for the homicide division, we knew what we could see. I guess I just learned to leave it at work."

He fell silent, lifting his delicate hand and tapping at the window, tracing over a water streak from the rain outside, "you're lucky. I can never ignore them." More silence.

"I think I'm going to transfer."

***

How come I left? I could've caught a killer but instead I'm entering a cab and heading to a hotel to meet a guy I haven't talked to in years. Have I always been this weak? Yes, but only when it comes to him. He ruined my life, but here I am, going to meet him again, to see his face, to know he's still real and I haven't been blaming what happened on some figment I created to help cope with my grief. At least I know there will be another chance to catch Sangwoo, I just need to get this over with and get to him before he gets to anyone else.

The cab stopped and the driver turned to me, holding out a debit machine. I payed him, bid him a goodnight and exited the car. I was here. At SouthMain Hotel. And he was here to.

"Hello!" He was so cheery. I couldn't help but completely forget about Sangwoo.

***

"Transfer?"

"Yes. I don't think I have the strength to stay in homicide."

I'll be alone again if he leaves. It's only been a year and a half with him as my partner, but to lose him now would be awful for me. I don't want to lose him. Especially after last week, after he held my hand for the first time and didn't let go. After we spent the entire night just beside one another. How could he say this now?

"I understand." I said, not letting my unease slip through.

"Will you do transfer with me, Seungbae? I want to stay with you."

***

"Where did you want to go?" I asked, standing beside Cale, who was just a bit smaller than myself.

"For a drink, I guess. There's a bar down the road, I was there last night."

"Okay. Let's go." I raised my arm and offered him to lead the way. He glanced at me and I saw the deep green eyes that stole me from my reality, I melted away as they did it again.

***

"You're both asking to be moved to a different department? But you're our best team." Our director sat behind his desk and held his hands together, his eyes darting back and forth between the two of us.

"Yes sir. Seungbae and I have decided we want to remain partners, but would rather do patrol and basic police work." His hand was gripped around my knee, not visible to our boss, "homicide just isn't for us."

The director turned to me, "Seungbae you've been doing this for ages, I get Cale, he's been here a year and a half but you? Why?" Cale looked at me, as if to see what I could come up with.

"It's getting to me, sir. The constant death. I find myself unable to cope with it as well as I used to." Our boss nodded.

"I'll see what's available. For now just go do paperwork or whatever, I won't put you in the field."

We gave our thanks at the same time and left the head office. We walked arm to arm, and when we were out of anyone's sight, Cale raced in front of me, wrapped his arms around my neck and laid his dry lips to mine.

I think this was the moment I started to blame him.

***

"What have you been doing these past few years? Still in the force, I see." His voice hasn't changed one bit, it's still as exciting at it used to be, as the last time I heard it. I wish so deeply it never said hello.

"I patrol. Still. How about you?" I was genuinely curious what he did after we stopped talking.

"I work as a CEO at a tools company." A CEO? That must pay well. No wonder he's staying at such a nice hotel. He made it that far up in just three years and I'm still doing what I did before. I must look sad. It's as if I never moved on.

"Do you have a partner?"

"Yes, Officer Parks is my supervisor." He started to giggle maniacally, shaking his head.

"That's not what I meant. You're still the same absent Seungbae you were back then. I mean are you in a relationship?" Is that it? No, I'm not. I don't think about it, last time I was it ended horribly.

"No. I'm not. Are you?"

He smirked and held up his hand, "I'm engaged actually, my fiance and I have a son."

***

"I didn't know I could be like this with a man."

His head is laying on my bare chest, his hand circling around my shoulder, eyes looking at his motions. It's been at least four months since we declared our feelings for each other. He's much happier now that he's out of homicide, I, on the other hand, am happy because I'm with the man I love. Patrol pays much less than homicide, but seeing him smile everyday is worth it. It's all I need.

"I didn't know I could be like this with you," I moaned, kissing his forehead, "but it's good, right?" Cales green eyes peaked in the light above my bed, his answered with a kiss to my cheek.

"I think I'll stay with men from now on, actually," he giggled, "hopefully just you, though."

***

I didn't say a single word as I froze and saw a silver ring shining from his long finger, it's as if he was saying 'fuck you, and fuck our past.'  Why would he do this? Why would he call me and convince me to see him only to throw this in my face? Revenge for what I did? But, what I did happened because of him. What I did happened because he convinced me to leave homicide, to stay with him, to love him, to belong to him.

What he did led to me not being there when my father was murdered.