WoF OC Reviews

Nightstrike/Lostmind

Er... Lightshifter?

Maybe asking someone else for help would be in order.

Father: Bigclaws - a large Nightwing with light green eyes.

Good name.

Adopted brother: Toucan - a four year old Rainwing that her mother and father adopted when she "died"

OOh, interesting. I'm assuming this will be explained in the backstory? Also, I actually have a RainWing named Toucan, too.

Friends: Herself, the moons (joke, she just talks to it because she was no one to talk to.)

It's sad how much I relate though

and for a day, Darkstalker.

Abilities: Fire breath, and intelligence of the past (explained)

I'm assuming that the rest of the NightWing abilities are there; remember, fire-breathing tribes don't just have "fire-breathing" as their only ability. For example — SkyWings are pretty resistant to cold, as well as fire.

Crush: n/a

Ok

Mate: n/a

Ok

Backstory: Normal nightwing crap happened until she was eleven, and they fled the kingdom.

This actually sounds pretty lazy. Surely something noteworthy occurred? At the very least, describe if she had friends or not. Maybe she was bullied? I don't know, but that whole sentence, just skipping to when she was eleven, is KILLING me.

Nightstrike, being extremely loyal to her queen, promptly refused to go through the entrance.

Wow, loyalty.

But, she escaped at the last second.

Is there any specific reason she changed minds?

She took a huge u-ie and lifted off towards the sand kingdom, and she figured she must have a new alias. She hid in the trees for a day, thinking of a new name for herself.

Really? A whole day? Doing nothing but... figuring out a new name? Seriously? Didn't she just flee from a place? If I were in her shoes, I would flee, figure out what the heck I'd do with the rest of my life, get it all sorted out, and THEN figure out an alias.

Not to mention, I'd just think of a name for 5-10 minutes and then go with it — it wouldn't take me a DAY to figure out such a simple name.

She eventually cooked up Lostmind, since she would never call anyplace home in her mind.

Kinda sad, really.

She was lost.

Which is why she should've figured all of her crap out BEFORE she spent a day creating an alias.

Eventually, after a while, the banks outside the scorpion den. Marveled at it, and walked in. Everybody stared at her but she didn't care. She hissed at anyone who got close and snapped at people who tried cooking up some conversation. She asked a tiny Sandwing where the leader was, and she pointed weakly towards a tent. She said thanks coldly and the Sandwing scrambled away. She walked into and suddenly a lot of tails were being pointed at her. She asked "Where is your leader?" And a graceful Sandwing walked towards her. She sized her up, and said calmly "What brings you to the scorpion den?" Lostmind said ruefully "I don't have home, so to speak. I hate the rainwings." The Sandwing loooked at her again and stalked around her. Flicking her tail in a slow motion and the guards cleared up. "Well," she started, circling her tail around her leg. "You've came to wrong place for homey protection." She then raced her tail around Lostminds leg, and Lostmind stifled a scream. The pain so much. The Sandwing dropped her tail and said dryly "I am doing you a favor. Go, now."