99 days without you >> lashton AU

Day 30

people bump into me as Im trying to push myself through the bus door. once Im out, I make my way down the street and turn a corner. I walk down the dark alley. The beer was still in my system but I felt pretty sober. I guess Im too depressed to even get drunk. 

I stop beside a dumpster and Wait. I wait for about ten minutes then I see a black figure walking the same path I came from. He comes closer and closer. 

"Hemmings." He laughed evilly. and I cringe,  "Are we here to have small talk or are you gonna give it to me?" I say lifting my head higher and He laughs again. He takes a brown paper bag from his pocket. I was about to grab it but He pushes me away. "ahhh, you still have to pay me. do you have the money?" He says coldly. I roll my eyes and reach into my pocket, taking out the fifty box I owe him. "Are you sure Its all in here?" I asked and he nods. "One hundred percent." 

I give him the money, and he gives me the bag. I open it to make sure its there, right away I smell weed and I see the white small pills. "Told you, hemmings." He laughs as he counts the money. 

"Okay whatever, I'll come back for more." I say as I turn on my heel. "Later, Hemmings." I heard him yell and I make my way back to my place. 

*~*~*

Day 30.

Dear Ashton,

did you really love me? did you really care about me? 

ashton I…I did something I really regret..yesterday. 

While I was walking home from….Buying drugs. yes I know. Im a fuck up. so anyways…I was walking until I saw a bunch a people fighting over something I don't remember. Me being a stupid fuck, I went over to them and started talking shit to them. I didn't even care if they were older and bigger than me..It was like I was asking for it. 

 i guess you can tell that I got beat up. I deserved it though. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to hurt myself. I don't belong here…nobody cares. 

fuck. 

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My arms burn as hell, but it feels so good. I like how it feels, a burning sensation all over your arms. Why didn't I think of this sooner? 

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ASHTON BABY … IM HIGH AS FUCK…I FEEL SO NUMB. I can't feel anything. its quite fun. 

I made about 6 more deep cuts and I can't even feel it. holy shit. 

Im watching my blood go down my arms, its really entertaining really. Its like a race against one another. But its making a mess on my floor. 

woah, everything is blurry. my head hurts as fuck, my cheeks are stained, my eyes are red and puffy. My bathroom floor is now covered in my blood. I….

-luke

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