Remission [H.S. MATURE AU]

20.

"I'll be back for dinner, honey." I nod my head and I look at him walk away. The situation feels immediately more tense, once I'm left alone with Harry.

"I wanted to thank you for what you did..." I glance up at him and he just smiles at me. I'm not sure I can still look at him the same after what he's asked Cielo and for the way he's treated her. I wonder if I see the same Harry everyone else sees, or if he acts differently just with me.

"I'm just glad you're fine and no one got hurt..." He shrugs his shoulders.

"I talked to Cielo..." I decide to confess. The look in his eyes seems immediately alarmed at my words and I can tell, by the way, his body tenses up, that he's definitely nervous now. "I didn't tell her anything but she told me she's pregnant." He nods his head at my words and looks down.

"You were so unfair to her!" He furrows his eyebrows and looks at me with a mix of confusion and surprise. He wasn't expecting this reaction at all. He wasn't expecting to get scolded for his behavior.

"Scar, I don't want kids!" He sighs with exasperation. "I'll give them everything they need but I don't want to be part of their life. Not with a baby."

"What is it that scares you so much?!" I question him and I can tell that he feels immediately uncomfortable by my assumptions but the fear in his eyes was evident to me. "You say that I'm the one that got to know you better and yet I know and understand so little about you." I sigh. He immediately looks down, feeling extremely vulnerable under my attentive eyes.

"You're a fool, Harry..." I shake my head and sigh, when he stays silent. "God is giving you a second opportunity and you don't realize how lucky you are," My voice breaks down at mid-sentence and I have to suffocate a sob while these words leave my mouth. He looks up at me and I can tell how sorry he feels now, because he knows what I've been through and how important it was to me.

"You're gonna have kids too, Scar..." He smiles down at me, bringing his hand to my cheek. "Maybe not right now, but it'll happen." I like to believe so. "Maybe not with me... with someone that is gonna love you in the right away and that you'll love back." He sadly smiles, making my heart ache at his words. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to think about anyone but him, but I keep getting stuck in the past. I'm holding onto the memory of a relationship that did nothing but hurt us both, all the time. And maybe it's time to look forward to both of us.

"Don't talk like that..." I glance up at him, not wanting to hear it. There's no need to think about it now.

"I'd be happy for you..." He shrugs his shoulders and sadly smiles. "It'd drive me crazy but I'd be happy." He giggles, caressing my cheek again. I have to remind myself that things have changed for us now because looking at his smile and at his forest green eyes I risk forgetting all about it. I take a few steps away from him and cross my arms over my chest. He understands, by the look in my eyes, that it's time to go now.

*

"How does it feel to go around without security following you around?" My mom asks me, as we walk back home to our apartment after a whole day at the mall. I had deeply missed these afternoons consisting of just my mom and me.

"It feels fucking amazing!" I nod my head and then laugh with her. It really feels good. I'm slowly getting back my life and I'm taking it back in my hands. "You have no idea!"

It's been one week since both Alice and Joanne have been arrested. One week since I've tried to put my life back on track. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I don't have any intention to spend my days in bed crying. I'm thankful for the second chance someone has decided to give and I'm not going to waste it. I want to live and I want to do it fully. I've started with little steps, but before going to bed I've started to check various university faculties to see what I'd be interested in more. I haven't found anything that has completely captured my attention so far but I won't stop looking.