Darker Than Love | ꪜ

Darker Than Love | 39

Mason's POV

I lowered myself down onto the chair opposite Michelle whose eyes were trained intently on the mug of coffee in her hand. She rose it to her lips and took a sip, her eyes still not meeting mine as she did so.

I relaxed against the seat and placed my hand on the table, fumbling with my fingers nervously at the deafening silence that lingered between us two. Then she peered upwards, but her lips were pulled into a thin line as our eyes came in contact.

"Hey," I managed to croak out. She nodded her head softly as she fumbled with the handle of the mug, "hi," she responded quietly. Once again there was nothing but silence and I knew that now or later I needed to break it.

"I'm sorry. . ." I trailed off. She arched her brows as if silently saying 'so what?' I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling as if someone's hands were tightly wrapped around my neck, preventing me from speaking. But I couldn't leave this place like this, not when we were in this situation.

"I'm sorry for what happened Michelle, for-"

"Do you really feel sorry about everything? For all the pain you've put me through whether that was directly or indirectly? Are you sorry for what your best friend put mine through? Are you really sorry Mason because I see your mouth moving but I don't believe it."

Of course, I'm sorry. Is what I wanted to say, but the disbelief from her even questioning that overpowered me just wanting her to forgive me. I know that forgiveness isn't easy and I never expected her too so quickly but I can't deny the fact that Michelle has been hypocritical when it comes to me and everything she's done as well.

Yet I knew bringing that up would only stir up the tension between us. "You really don't believe me, do you? What's the point of trying to do something over and over again if you keep getting the same results? At this point, I don't know what you want me to do!"

"Earn up to your mistakes, Mason!"

"I HAVE! Every god fucking damn day for the past week I have. What the hell do you want from me, Michelle! You still won't believe or trust me! It's like whatever I say you just automatically look down on me for the mistakes I've made. You act as if you haven't made mistakes too, and horrible ones at that too!

But how would you feel is you constantly apologized to someone and you mean it deep down and you know in your heart of hearts that you truly never wanted to hurt that person but they just don't trust or forgive you!

I know I fucked up Michelle but if I came here just to be criticized by you again then my drive wasn't worth it. I love you, Michelle and I never want to hurt you. I am owning up to my mistakes, I know I could have done more that day with Kaden and those girls, I know all that could have been prevented.

But I'm trying here, give me a break, I'm human too and we're all imperfect but you don't get much of them actually acknowledging those mistakes. I'm not trying to paint myself as this guy who's unhinged and can't control his actions and poor me, Mason. No! I'm actually telling you right here, right now I messed up, I know, and I want to make it better. . .I want you to trust me."

As bad as this may sound I'm a very prideful person. I've never been one to own up to my mistakes and apologize to the people I've hurt. I may have felt sorry but I've never taken it upon myself to let them know how sorry I was.