Us - The Mess // COMPLETED

10 - God knows we're worth it

"I feel so old."

"What is this? Early middle age crises? Because that should be solved easily. We can travel or buy a sport car or a summer house, if it will help you."

I couldn't help myself and start to laugh: "No, that will not help and it is not the point. I just miss something, I can't tell exactly what..."

"Mitch?" His green eyes flashed with irritation: "Do you miss Scott?"

I didn't reply. I didn't reply, because I don't know it.

"Mitch... If it is your Scömíche bullshit... It is gone. He doesn't want you. He is even not inviting you to his parties. He obviously doesn't care. You are just part of the Sup3rfruit group and I bet if he can stop it, he would."

I felt like somebody sucked out all my breath from my body...

"Beau... You can't change my decision. I want us to stop living together." I tried to tell it with a strong voice, but it is hard without an air.

Beau stood up and he gave me a look full of contempt: "You are making the biggest mistake of your life. Scott doesn't love you, I love you with all my heart and soul. You will regret it Mitch. You will be lonely you will end abandoned from everybody at the end. I will recover, but I doubt you will."

And he left. He left from my life and he left me alone sitting in the chair with my old soul.

What a beautiful day! I spread my hands and legs, lying on the bed big enough for my tall body. Big enough for another two bodies lying beside me. What a life! What a joy!

I stood up and went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. This is always the only part of the day still quite hard for me. I was used to share my need for caffeine with Mitch for so many years that it developed a strong habit, nearly impossible to get rid of.

It was so early in the morning, I couldn't believe I am awake already, nobody's here to make me a company. I hate to be alone! I sat on the patio, enjoying the view and went through Twitter and Instagram content.

It was quite a drama in our fandom, because today is the anniversary of one of our old Sup3rfruit videos. The one teasing Scömíche super funny and cute. My notifications were flooded by photos and videos compilations of Mitch and me. Laughing, giggling, tickling, spanking, drinking, dancing, kissing, touching... It was quite interesting to see all our behavior though someone else eyes.

I have to admit we were lovely, young, naïve and we though we will last forever... I bit my lip and I felt something warm near my heart. It was weak, but it was still there. I know myself good enough to know; that my forever love, my spirit animal, is and always will be Mitchell Grassi and I it will be problematic for the rest of my life.

That doesn't mean I am not happy right now. I am, but everybody can have only one soulmate and I just can't let mine go away forever.

I figured out Mitch liked and even rt some of those videos. Weird. He even commented on two or three of them. Weird as hell. He wrote a post himself about the anniversary. Wait a minute - what is doing?

He can do all those things of course, but he haven't been active on social media since Paris. No matter how "Kids" begged him, he was very off.

I still remember Beau's warning, so I will not call him. Let's see what future will bring. I will wait for another odd behavior and then I will act.

I am alone, but I feel peace. Guilt is still sitting in my stomach and I really hope it will disappear someday. I feel uncertain what to do next. I just try to occupy myself with the internet, movies and music. Music is the key and my forever companion.

I was spreading some love to the fandom, watched random video compilations of our videos from the time, when Scömíche was bittersweet reality. Suddenly I was hooked by really lovely one with a song, which I will not probably listen to, but it's lyrics spoke to my so loudly, I thought I will become deaf.

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts

We got yeah we got a lot at stake

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us

God knows I'm tough, he knows

We got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

We are worth it. Our friendship is worth it, I was selfish, and I was fool that I thought that I could cut Scott away from my body. Because we went through many bad times, we were there for each other's; we were solid like a rock. We were holding each other's after our broken relationships and Scott always showed me the bright side of the life, when I was lost in my panic attacks.

I thought I don't need that anymore, that somebody else might take his place. I was so stupid. I was so scared. I was tired. I was desperate. I was in love. I want all or nothing. I ended with nothing. I should have known better.

I will find a way to put our broken pieces of friendship together, glued with trust. I won't give up. God knows we're worth it...

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The drama is behind the corner... #soon

I love you all.