For Your Eyes Only

33

"Is this about that Haynes kid?" My mother asked that night.

I had lifted the covers enough so that only my eyes were uncovered. Just by simply hearing his last name had my chest clenching tightly. The pain rocketed through my body, head to chest, chest to stomach, stomach to toes. It hurt so bad.

"How do you..."

"Oh please, honey," she had said with a flip of her hair. "I know you and Daniel broke up months ago. His mother has a big mouth and apparently so does her son because he went running right to mommy when you broke up with him. I also saw you on multiple occasions sneak out of that window of yours to run across the lawn to the Haynes house."

I gaped at her, not knowing what to say. Here I was thinking I was being so sneaky. I knew my father knew something was up between Nate and me because of the night he was called to the Haynes house to attend Nate's wound.

Here I was, caught off guard that there was no disapproval on her face. All I could see was sorrow in her blue eyes. I didn't like that look. It made me feel worse.

When the end of that fifth day came around I had managed to sit up in bed. The incline hurt but I welcomed the pain now, no longer numb.

When my mother came walking into my room that morning I managed to tilt my head in her direction. All she did was sit on the edge of my bed and look at me.

You know, the strange thing is, I don't think I have ever spent so much time with my mother as I have over that seven day period.

"I really love him, Momma," I admitted after a few moments of her just watching me, the words catching in my throat.

"I know, sweetpea." She had patted down my matted hair as I managed to cry again for the first time in days. "I know."

"I did something bad. Something really bad and now Nate hates me."

"Did you apologize?"

I nodded but the slight movement made my head swim. "It was really bad, Momma. I wouldn't forgive me either."

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't try. If you love him, truly love him, you will do whatever it takes because that is what loving some one is. You don't give up, Kelly."

I let her words sink in but motivation wasn't something I had the energy to scrub up.

Has she always been this wise and attentive or was I just too blind to see it?

The sixth day was a blur because I slept for most of the day but the sixth day was the first day I managed to keep down a meal. A measly piece of toast and two slices of an apple, was all, but it was something. I even managed to wake up for a good ten minutes to hop into the shower. My mother was pleased to see this.

It was the seventh day when the first spark of emotion ignites in my blood when my father drops a manilla envelope on my comforter.

I roll over at the sound and gargle something neither one of us understood.

"What is this?" I ask not even bothering to look at it.

"Read the stamp," he instructs and I sit up to do so.

My mind ignites and my mouth drops open. "It's from Dartmouth."

"Open it," he urges with a smile, calling my mother into the room.

"I don't know if I can." I stare at it longer, looking at it like if I rip the envelope open it would bite me.

This could be my out. I can run away after graduation to New Hampshire and try to put behind the beautiful boy that will forever scorn my heart. The happy reflection is soon clouded at that very thought.