The Origins Trilogy

Chapter 13

"Now Doctor, you can't go and do something so special for me and act as if meant nothing. My boys told me what you did. How you carved her face all nice and neat for me. How you begged them to make sure I knew it happened.

How you pleaded for them to make sure I knew that this was all for me. I can't tell you how proud that me. I was beaming with excitement, but most importantly, I was excited for you. I was so turned on by you at that moment. How much I wanted to be there, bathed in her blood touching you, feeling you, being inside you.

Your heat wrapping around my dick like a warm blanket, your skin on my skin, it was exhilarating. I gave you choice, and you chose me." he said darkly as his face turned into a wicked smile.

I looked into his eyes, and my body quaked under his gaze and screamed under his words. I needed this man inside me, I needed his body on me, I knew he'd be rough, I knew he'd take me like no man ever could, and I loved it.

The idea alone was enough to make me hard as a rock and my revealing khakis. But I had to resist my urges, I knew what I had to do, I knew that this wasn't supposed to go down like this.

"It doesn't matter if I did it for you or not, what I did was wrong, evil, and I don't deserve to be here, to help anyone, anymore, I'm a monster, and monsters are locked up, which is what's going to happen to me. That's what I deserve, to be thrown into a hole, never to see the light of day again." I respond with quiet contentment.

I'd made peace with whatever was going to be my fate, whether it be prison or the death penalty. It didn't matter, either way, I was going down, but the next question to come from his mouth completely changed every thought that was currently going through my head.

"But how did it make you feel, killing her?" he asked.

I'd expected him to say a lot of things, I'd expected him to try and trick me somehow, to convince me of something, but this question, I'd never even considered that when I was thinking about this conversation.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked confused, the truth was I had considered my feelings when I murdered that girl, but I just ignored them because at that moment it wasn't about how I felt, it was about what I did.

And what I did was wrong, no matter how he tried to convince me otherwise. This wasn't like killing my father, this was an innocent woman, she didn't deserve to be killed like that, especially not by me.

"You talk about how wrong it is, how evil what you did was, but never once did I hear you say, 'I should not have killed her' or 'I hate myself for what I did'.

Each time you speak of this situation you continuously comment on the outside response to what you did, so then that tells me that there's something that you're hiding from me. Something you don't want to admit to yourself, so I ask again Doctor, how did it make you feel," he continues, his eyes still trained on me with a small grin pulling on his face.

"It doesn't matter, it was wrong and I'm not doing it again, I'm done with this, all of it, this isn't who I am. We're done talking." I say as I turn to get from my seat and in that same instant, he gripped my wrists and yanked me back to look him in the eyes. I winced at his nails digging into my wrist, seeing the rage still present in his eyes.

"How, did it make, you feel?" he says through gritted teeth, and I can tell by the intensity in his eyes that if I lied to him or avoided the question again, our meeting would end a lot more violently than I planned. I looked at him for a moment and I resolved in myself that this was it, this was the end.

I was done lying to him, lying to Sam, lying to everyone, especially myself. I knew what I was now, I knew there was no use in pretending as if I was anything else. I fought how I felt when I killed my father, I tried to hock it up to anger.