Against the Tide - A New Elysium Story [Complete]

21. Rainclouds on Satherna

"Okay, so... what are you really so pissed off about, besides shoes?" she asked after a few seconds of silent scrutiny. "Why are you so... angry?"

"The question is, why aren't you?" He snapped his head around and finally met her gaze. "Why aren't you the least bit angry?"

"Oh, I'm plenty angry," she concurred. "Don't you remember what I did to that scumbag who called us cute at the bar? He made me angry alright. Calling me doll and all that crap. Dipshit."

She laughed out loud, and it made him even more furious. She seemed not to have a care in the world. That anger she spoke of was not right, it was not real. It was irritation, it was snark, but it was not what he felt. It was not boiling, it was not raging in the same way.

"I can't believe you. How can you-" He stopped mid-sentence and shook his head. "Never mind. It does not matter. I will do it for you. I'll kill him."

Her obliviousness infuriated him and he felt like he couldn't bear being around her a second longer. As silly as it seemed to simply walk off into the fog, he didn't know what else to do than turn around to walk away. But he had just taken the first step when he felt her hand grab his wrist.

"I can't let you do that, Lars," she said.

He tried to pull his hand away and continue walking, but her grip only tightened.

"Why?" he asked, without turning back to look at her. "What does it matter? We're killers already. What does one more life matter to you?"

"One thousand one hundred thirteen," she just said, and he knew what that number meant. "Every single one of them mattered... that's why I remember every single one, and that's why-"

He whirled around and yanked his hand free.

"Then WHY don't you remember how HE KILLED YOU?" he yelled at her.

She fell completely silent and stared at him wide-eyed, in a way she never had before. He had felt that emotion when she had felt it, but he had never seen her express it right in front of him. For a second there, she was scared. Scared of him, towering above her and shouting at her. And for some reason, that only irritated him more and made him even angrier.

"That guy... Dixon?" she whispered in disbelief.

"Yes. I saw him in your dreams," he growled. "I saw everything. It was terrible. He-"

"Don't," she said, and lowered her gaze. "Don't tell me about it."

"Do you understand now? I did not just watch you die, Null. I died. I died with you, in those dreams, and it was as horrifying and real as my own death. So WHY can't you REMEMBER?"

"I'm... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." she whispered, and buried her face in her hands. "My dreams..."

"No!" he yelled at her. "Don't be sorry! Don't be sad! Be angry! HATE them! Hate Dixon! Hate Riga! Hate all those bastards for what they did to you! Why don't you hate them?!"

"I... I do..." she replied meekly.

"No, you don't," he hissed and took a step back. "It's not right. It's not enough. That's why I'll have to do it for you. I'll put an end to it."

"No," she said. "No, you won't."

She raised her head again and their gazes met. Those irritating eyes that reminded him of the clouds on Satherna stared at him, and suddenly, all of the fear he had seen in them before was gone, replaced with a strength and determination he hadn't really thought her capable of after how beaten she had seemed just seconds before. Her look seemed to cut through the air, even through the fog around them that now was so thick that it was almost tangible.