Three weeks | Jeon Jungkook |

Day seventeen

I lay down in my knees in front of Alvins cage, preparing to clean it. I hate to do this. The smell is just killing me. But I have to do it for the sake of humanity.

Last night was a blast. Everything went so smooth after I got my brothers death off my chest. We stayed at the karaoke place for almost 1 hour and a half. The songs were coming and coming. Nothing could have stopped us from singing our lungs out. And the most precious thing is that he didn't made fun of me. I really appreciated that. I know my voice sounds awful and I know that he saw that. But he just chose to keep it for himself.

I sigh in relief as I throw the blue bag with the dirt in the trash can. After I wash my hands in the sink of the kitchen, I slowly walk in my room starting to look trough the closet for some clothes to wear. After I get on a black shirt and a pair of ripped blue jeans I get back into the kitchen, where I start cooking my lunch.

After maybe a half a hour my weird looking MC & Cheese it's ready. I take a sit at the empty table, placing the dish in front of me. After I take the first bite, my appetite vanishes. The fork stops in the macaroni as I try to find a reason for what's happening. Are you that dumb? It's Jungkook. He's on your mind all the time. You can't escape him. And you can't escape the feelings you have for him. We both know that. You have to accept it. You have to accept that you fallen for him and you can't get up.

And I'm right. I can't get up. I can't ignore the feelings I have for him anymore. After what happened one night ago, he is on my mind every single second of the day. I should have gotten him drunk sooner. But the things he told me... that I'm sweet. When we were talking trough messages and he told me that I'm precious. I don't know what to think. Is he just doing this so that I will have that one night stand with him? Because if he does so, he is making everything wors. Now I'm more confused than ever. I don't want to have a one night stand with someone for which I have feelings. That's not right. There's a difference between having love and fucking. I can't have an one night stand with someone that changed me. And he really did. I don't swear so much anymore. I want to go outside and live my life. I want to do so many things but... I want to do them beside him.

After I walk my tongue on my bottom teeth in disgust, I let the fork down. I place my elbows on the table, running my fingers trough my hair. I can't have an one night stand with a person that makes me so bipolar that I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't know what's happening with my mind but I know for sure that he is the cause of all these.

In one way I want this four days to pass so fast and just escape the terror I'm living in, but in another way I'm felling terrified of his birthday. I want and don't want this to end. Ugh! This is what I'm talking about. I'm so God damn bipolar I can't even think anymore.

I get up from the chair, letting the almost untouched plate on the table. I get my keys and my phone, and just get out the door. I lock it behind me and start to run down the stairs. When I get outside, the fresh air makes me feel already better. Why did I even leave? That place is bringing to many memories of Jungkook in my head.

I cross the street, heading for the park. I walk for almost 1 minute but stop instantly when I remember the roller skates day. That day was so perfect. I change my route, turning 180 degrees on my heels. I start to walk a little faster when an old place where I used to hang out with Siera pops in my mind.

After almost 25 minutes of walking and trying to keep Jungkook out of my mind, I get in front of a quite old building which is not lived. After I enter it, I start to run up the stairs, stopping just when I get to the last floor which is the 10th one. I roughly shake the old ladder and after I assure that it's stable I climb it. I open the heavy trapdoor and exit on the roof of the building.