Need Me

Thinking too much

Alec's POV
Here's the thing.
I do stuff without thinking about it. I don't think of the consequences or what other people are gunna say or do. I just fucking do it.
Sometimes I regret it.
Sometimes I just don't give a shit.
Hence why I wear what I want and flirt with people with no remorse.
Also why I'm curled into Jace in the middle of the night, well, early Tuesday morning, tear staines on my face and soft snores coming from what I thought was a body pillow.
Yesterday's events come rushing to me and I get nauseous.
I jump out of Jace's hold and run to his bathroom, throwing up literally nothing but bile because I haven't eaten in awhile.
I sit against the wall closest to the toilet. I want to wake Jace up so he can hold me but I'm such a fucking bother and I don't want to bother him anymore.
Here comes the headache.
I wonder if Jace noticed that I was high yesterday?

Jace's POV
I feel something get up and leave the room and I'm too tired to get up. Then I hear vomiting.
I sit up and look around and see that it is 2:25 am.
Then I remember Alec was here.
I jump out of bed and head toward the bathroom, opening the door without knocking.
I see Alec leaning against the wall by the toilet.
Kneeling in front of him I say, "damn Alec. Are you ok?" I rub his arm.
"M'fine. Just- feeling sick." He says groggily.
I feel his forehead with the back of my hand. "Like a- sick sick feeling or..."
"Like.. all this shit just came back to me and I got sick." He closes his eyes.
I look in the toilet and there isn't anything in it.
"Did you throw up? I thought I heard it ."
"Yeah just bile or something. I don't really have anything in me to throw up."
"Let's get something in your stomach yeah? That's probably part of the reason." I take his hand in mine.
"I'm uh I'm not really hungry." He shakes his head and tries to stand.
"Whoah whoah let me help you." I grab onto his shoulders and lead him back to the bed.
He sits down and puts his head in his hands. "Sorry"
"No don't be." I sit beside him.
"No one ever took care of me before or was like, concerned about me and I don't know how to respond." He looks at me and smiles wearily.
I never really thought about that. Alec not ever getting taken care of. He always takes care of himself from what I know. His dad is an abusive alcoholic and he said he takes care of his mom, not the other way around. So I never really thought about when he's sick. He takes care of himself.
Honestly, I take my parents for granted. They always take care of me. Makes sure that I have what I need and am never hungry.
Alec doesn't have that.
"Don't worry bout it. I like taking care of you." I say as I lay him into bed. I get in beside him and pull the covers up. He snuggles back into my side and my arms go back around him.

Alec's POV
I groan and open my eyes. I feel Jace holding onto me and I smile.
This is nice.
I get my phone from the bedside table and see that it's 5:30am.
Damn.
I have to get home but I really don't want to.
Sighing, I carefully unravel myself from Jace's limbs and get out of bed.
I get a piece of paper and a pen and write Jace a note.
Jace
Sorry I have to get home. I don't want to face the wrath of my dad haha. Thank you for taking care of me. You are the best. I'm not going to school today.
Laterz , Alec

I set it on the bedside table and make my way downstairs.
I'm guessing his parents already left and his siblings are still asleep. Thank the gods.
I get out of his house and walk back to mine.
Perfect time to reflect on all the bullshit that had been happening in my life.
Honestly, high schoolers are immature fucks.
The prank was stupid and putting it online does no damage to me. Jokes on you fuckers, I don't have anyone who would see it.
Everyone already hates me so why not add another thing to the list of reasons why.
Then my dad.
Fuck! He makes me so mad. Honestly, I will never admit this to another living being but, every time he does something to me, it's like I can feel my self worth plummeting to hell.
Jace.
God he's so perfect. Honestly it's not fair. The truth is, I know that he will never want to be with me because Cmon, I wouldn't want to be with me. But there's something about him that makes him different from everyone else.
He makes me happy.
He asks if I'm ok and continuously texts me if I don't answer.
Yeah he can be an ass but who can't?
I make it to my apartment and walk in. The place is a shit show. Worse than before I left. I'm guessing that dad had some sort of party.
I take off my clothes and get in the shower. I smell like weed.
Once I get out, I put on red jeans and a black tank top.
Nothing special. Not expecting anyone over and I'm not going anywhere.
Flopping down on my bed, I light a cigarette.
I know that I have to go back to school at some point but honestly, why should I care? My dad would sign the papers to let me drop out and I'm legally allowed to now so what's the point? I'm not going to college and I'll probably go into the drug business.
That's what my dad wants.
Me? I don't fucking care.
I let out a puff of smoke and lay my hand on my stomach, feeling the deep indent of my stomach.
I get up and look in my cracked full body mirror.
I look like shit.
Huge bags under my eyes and my skin is a sickly pale color.
No meat on my bones but it's better this way.
I lift up my shirt and see what is supposed to be a stomach.
All my bones stick out of my body in all areas.
It's better this way.
I don't need food. I need to be skinny so that people will like me.
I put out my cigarette and lay in bed.

A/U
Ahh sorry guys. I haven't posted in..two days was it?
Sowwy :(
I was super busy with school work blegh.
How was your week?
Also I just wanted to tell everyone that you are good enough. You are beautiful and handsome individuals. Wear want you want and do what you want as long as it makes you happy. You don't need to hurt yourself in any way because you are perfect. I love all of you. Dont ever forget your worth. 💕
QOTD: What is something that makes you happy?