His little boy

Chapter sixteen- We should talk...

Small A/N- sooooo this story probably wont be too much longer. But I do have another story in mind. But I want to know if anyone would read it if it didnt contain Dd/lg/b.
Let me know with a comment please. Once I get feed back I will put up a preview of what I am thinking.
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James' POV-

I was nervous. Daddy said he needed to talk to me, so we sat down.

That was 15 minutes ago.

"Daddy?"

"Why does your mom dislike you? Be 100% honest with me." He said quickly looking at me..   shit.

"Because I am gay, i told you."

"Jameson.. please." He was almost begging me.

I looked down..
"I love you.. just know."

"I love you too."

"My mother hasnt liked me for awhile.. since I was around 9 or 10." I said softly, looking at my thighs because I couldnt bare to see his face after I told him. "I wasnt born alone. I had a twin sister, Jennaveive."

"You never told me."

"My sister and I shared a queen bed. Big enough for us.. saved mom and dad money on bed and bed supplies." I sniffled. "I used to sleep with a pillow tucked in my arms. And I guess I rolled over onto her.. and suffocated her in her sleep. I dont remember it. I just remember waking up.. and her not."

"So-"

"Let me finish." I looked up, my face covered in tears for my sister. "Mom came in after hearing me scream. Paramedics said she just died in her sleep. But autopsy reports show that some fabrics of my pillow were in and around her mouth. It was swept under the rug because I was 10.

"Dad knew it was an accident.. mom however hated me for it. But could you blame her? I killed my sister. "

"Baby.. you didnt do it on purpose." Chris sat in front of my legs and wiped my tears. "It wasnt your fault."

"Yes it was! It was my pillow."

"You were sleeping.. and so was she."

I just cried. He picked me up and rocked me back and forth.

"Mrs. Potter?"

I peeked behind my mothers legs.. her eyes stained with tears and her hands holding a crumbled tissue.

"Thats me. Can I help you?"

"Im officer Gray. This concerns your daughter." He looked down at me and smiled softly.. almost as pity.

My mother made me go to her room, not wanting me to see where my sister had passed right next to me.

I sat next to my dad. If their pain was anything like my own, I'm sorry.

My heart ached.. my legs weak. My eyes too dried out to cry, my mouth in a closed line because I didn't want to speak. My sister wasn't here to interrupt me anymore or finish my sentences.

"Dad?" I spoke softly. He just hummed. "She isn't coming back, huh?"

"No, James. She isn't."

That was it. Those 4 words sunk in to the depths of my heart. My stomach churned. I was angry and mad and hurt.. she was my best friend. And now she is gone.

I ran to my room and threw everything on the floor. I flipped the mattress, took pictures off the wall. Tore posters.

I screamed and cried until my throat was so dry it prevented me from doing so.

Then I sat. Sat in my loneliness and in the mess I created.

"Come on baby." Chris took me into the bedroom. "Lets cuddle and watch some movies and sleep."

And thats what we did. All day.

I hadnt thought much about here in years. Because when I opened that door of locked up memories.. i think about what if.

What if I was turned the other way?
What if she had gone up to pee?
What if I had forgotten my pillow down stairs?
What if it were me...?

What if's cannot be answered.. I know that. But I cant help myself from asking them. Because a small change could have saved her from me.

I thought for awhile that the world would be better without me in it because, I was meant to be two parts. Now I am only one.

Whats the point? Of continuing.

Then I went to counseling. Found some friends. Got some help. And finally, met Chris.

I miss my sister. And what little memories I have with her, I make sure are locked away forever. Where I cant lose them... but cant forget them either.

My mother resents me. And going to visit her would be a waste of money and time.. because why go? Just so she can bring up the past..

I will always be angry at myself.. but I cant change what I did. I was 10.

I let daddy hold me. And whisper in my ear over and over again that he loves me and is here to stay. His soft voice echoes through my mind as I think of our future and what lies ahead of us.

"Daddy"

"Yes?" He smoothed my hair out of my face.

"I think I am ready"

"For?" He slowly rubbed my arm.

"You."

He just kissed my forehead.
"Not tonight."

"Why?"

"Because, I said so." He kissed me again.

We left it at that. I wasnt upset.. or angry. I understood.

I love Chris. So much.

Forever and Always daddy. ♥♥