The Origins Trilogy

Chapter 10

I decided to just turn off my feelings until I spoke to the only person who I knew could help me make sense of it all. I'd been sitting there with Sam in silence for the past few moments trying to figure out just how I could approach him about what I was feeling. He'd always started our sessions off trying to ignore me, or pretending I wasn't there just to spite me, but this time, I actually welcomed it.

I was so afraid of what I was about to admit, or how I was going to admit it. How was I going to help my friend face what he had done, tell him that killing people is wrong, when I did the very same thing a loved every second of it. How was I supposed to convince him that what he was doing, what he had done was wrong, when deep down I felt like he was completely right. I had a job to do, one purpose, to help Sam, and I was already failing.

I knew I should try and get closer, try to get him to open up some more, but all I could think about was me. I needed my best friend to tell me everything is okay, I needed my brother to tell me that he loved me, I needed my Sammy back because I was so confused and so afraid, I had no idea where else I could turn.

"Ivy, I know that you're mad at me," I started, he was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall and turned his head to me slightly finally acknowledging my presence.

"But—but—something happened to me, I did something, something bad and I—" I tried to choke out but he immediately cut me off.

"Wait wait wait, you're sitting there, the supposed psychiatrist, and you want to tell me about your problems, I don't think so. Try again Doctor," he said curtly and turned away again.

"Ivy please, I just need someone to talk to, you don't even have to say anything. If you just list—" I started a second time.

"No, Doctor, I don't care about your problems, I don't care what you have to tell me, and I don't want to talk to you or vice versa. Just sit there for the next hour doodling on that notepad of yours. Assess my aloofness and move on, this isn't a sharing session today, nor will it ever be again.

I tried to scare you away, that didn't work, I tried to make you feel like shit, that didn't work, you just keep coming back over and over and over again, it's getting extremely annoying."

"It's because I car—"

"I know, I know, the same old pitch, you're my best friend, you're my brother, I need to help you, I need to save you, boo who," he said mockingly,

"You know I'm just really tired of your explanation, your pretending, we both know the real reason why you're down here, why you came to Gotham to 'save me'.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"It's the same reason you're trying to open up to me now about whatever 'bad' thing you did. Because you're alone and so very lonely," he said simply, still not looking at me.

"That's not true, Sam and you know it, I've always been here for you, you were the reason I came back, I needed you, I—"

"Stop fucking lying Hartley!" He screamed, this time facing my eyes directly,

"I'm not stupid, I know the kind of person you are, the kind of person you always will be. So please, stop lying to yourself, you come in here all doe-eyed and fearful, hoping that I'd take pity on you and let you talk to me as if we were still the friends we once used to be."

"But we are friends, Sammy, you're my best friend, you always will be, no matter how much you claim to hate, I know that you loved me, I know that—"

"Exactly, loved you, past tense, for years I'd loved you, for years I was the only person who ever gave a shit about your problems about what you had going on in your life. For years I was the only person you could rely on, the only person who truly cared for you and stood up for you.