Remission [H.S. MATURE AU]

12.*

"My mother is half French too. We come here often. We spend every summer here. Between Paris and the south of France." I nod my head, while I listen to him.

"Oh, that's nice... it seems like a lovely city for the minimum part I've visited." He nods his head and I smile at him. I didn't know he spends so many time right here in France. Not like we've talked that much, after all. We don't know each other this good.

"Are you going to stay here for a long time?"

"Not really." I shake my head. "It's just a brief holiday for me too, but I'll visit more often for sure from now on."

"Good! Every American needs a break from America at some point." I giggle at his words and nod my head, agreeing completely with him.

"And apart from work, how is life going?" I decide to ask, to avoid the embarrassing moment of silence.

"Good... I'm actually here with my girlfriend. We've been dating for almost half a year now." I immediately smile at the news, feeling extremely happy for him. It makes all of it definitely less embarrassing. I didn't want to reject him for the umpteenth time.

"Oh my God... that's amazing, I'm so happy for you!" I genuinely tell him. "And I'm deeply sorry to have stolen you away from her." We both chuckle and he just shrugs his shoulders.

"It's fine... I told her we have to catch up!"

"Yeah, we really had a lot to catch up on!" I nod my head and laugh.

"What about you? Still with Harry?" I immediately shake my head at his question and lower my eyes. That's exactly one of the questions I was trying to avoid.

"No... he has moved on while I was dead." I try to fake a laugh, to hide my sadness and resentment from him, but it seems like he sees it anyway, because he seems to deeply regret the question. "But it's fine, I'm fine!" I nod my head with determination.

"Well, that's what it truly matters!" He smiles at me. "I have never apologized for how I behaved the night of your birthday but I'm deeply sorry." He giggles, trying to hide his embarrassment for bringing this up again. "I don't normally behave like that, I don't know what I had in mind." He shrugs his shoulders and chuckles.

"It's fine, it doesn't matter anymore!" I shrug my shoulders. "We all have done things we regret." Me, more than anyone, I'd like to add. It still pains me to think about last year, to think about what I've done and the worst fact is that I don't want to think about my memories with Harry only with a note of negativity, because we have had some great moments too, moments I'm supposed to cherish for the rest of my life.

"You seem a lot more mature now." He observes, when we both remain silent for a few seconds.

"I sure have changed a lot..." I nod my head, not really knowing if he's actually right or not about that particular.

"Have you thought about what you're gonna do now?" Classic. I can't say I wasn't expecting this question. It's pretty much what everyone always asks me. And once again, there are absolutely no ideas at all, in my mind.

"Not really..." I sigh and lower my stare. "I can't see myself doing what you and my father do anymore and that's basically what I've focused on for my whole life."

"You feel lost... it's understandable." He nods his head and sadly smiles at me. "I think it's important that you know that even if you strictly focused on that, it doesn't mean that you can't find your own path now."

"I know... it's just that lately I feel demotivated, the majority of the time." I admit, nervously rubbing my hands together.

"I think you need someone to talk to, outside of your therapist. It's not healthy to hold everything inside."